Let me be the first to say....the individual with a classic case of brute mentality, who decided that a punch to your heart and soul would make him feel so much better about himself is a classic narcissist. They are expert in hating you for any criticism you levy at them and actually make it a point to project their Shallow Hal persona onto anyone who crosses them.
The key to recognizing a narcissist is....they will call you one first. Classic.
If it's any consolation, Steve, more people than I can count have done the same to me.
But never to my face. They make sure their friends get the low down on me and anyone they work with, distant family and their dog.
I had a dear friend in a nursing home. I went their every day to make sure the grossly understaffed, corporate owned facility wasn't drugging her to death. In time, I had many inmates whom I befriended. One particular took a real shine to me. She was there for physical therapy....and we had the best time. One day, out of the blue, she asked me my last name. Small world. She was neighbors with a couple who couldn't have disliked me more.
She never talked to me again.
It hurts, dear. But you have to consider the source.
I know. But the arsonist doesn’t need more than a small match to start a fire when there’s so much dry kindling inside you, brittle and wilting for a flame.
And he brought my attention back to something I already knew - an entire community of strangers feeding on my pain like a bunch of corpse eaters. Human beings are such awful things when they never bother to cultivate an ounce of empathy, let alone virtue.
Of course the narcissist brought up that which he knew would hurt you the most....causing you more turmoil as you entertain his words. You know better than to give in to that.
He doesn't know but that which you shared. If we think that by sharing our deepest pain it won't be thrown back in our face, we would be wrong.
Maybe your writing could take a turn towards surviving (dare I say thriving?) in this world via beauty and the like? I am hanging on the transcendentals and molding my kids in them, even as I stare down the specter of AI, a future of which I am terrified.
I don’t have a solution to the prevalence of negativity in cyberspaces, but I will tell you what I have found helpful. I recently found a small men’s group that meets weekly in my neighborhood in LA with two LMFTs. Seven of us converge on a small living room for 90 minutes of sanity. The guys listen to each other. They relate. They develop esteem and trust. Bullshit levels are low. It sounds simple, but in our current cultural situation, it’s quite rewarding, and certainly revolutionary. I wonder if something similar might be available in your area.
Might be. I work a lot so I don't have a lot of free time at normal hours. I've been looking for opportunities to socialize, taking into account that I am extremely selective about friends (mostly because I'm just not like most other people) and naturally somewhat reclusive. I've made only a couple of new guy friends since leaving college. It's tricky.
But I absolutely need IRL social interaction or I'm going to go nuts.
The expectation of the group is not friendship, but basic human civility. Though my experience is that because men have so few experiences of consistent, humane and trustworthy community and a safe place to speak with authenticity, something approaching friendship often develops.
Some men arrived at the group feeling very isolated and with an expectation that they would share little in common with other guys in the room. But they experienced something different… maybe not the first night, but within a few weeks.
Now the guys are talking about meeting on their own after the ten week program ends.
That's what people do when they're losing the argument and have nothing of substance to say. They launch a personal attack. Definitely says more about them than about you.
You have chosen to make your life something of an open book through this substack. Unfortunately, whatever healing you achieve from writing about your experience comes at a price: exposing that experience to complete strangers who hide in anonymity. Only you can decide if it’s worth that.
Ah, Steve, don't let the bastards get you down. Pray for your provacateur. Yeah, I pray for people who attack me. But I do react to them (not out of anger, but in self-defense), as you have, so that's a sign of mental health. I can't do Twitter--TMI, and I can't figure out how it really works. The same is true of FB. Just skim along the surface of FB enough to try to buy stuff on marketplace. I think Zuckerberg brought us "cancel" culture.
I'm getting AI burnout. I like how ChatGPT can answer a lot of technical, legal, accounting, tax, business, history questions I have, but I resent that I can't get a human on a phone (and when I do, they have such strong foreign accents I can barely understand them) and that the youtube videos all seem AI-produced these days. If there isn't a REAL, FAMILIAR talking head (like yours, or Kale, or Joe Rogan, etc., Jordan, or all the RE and Biz guys and gals), I'm not listening. Can't take Tucker or Candace, though I think CK's death broke Candace at some level. I don't know what broke Tucker. I think not belonging to a church. He says he reads the Bible. That's not enough. I need fellowship with other Christians to advise me, encourage me, keep me thinking and actiing straight ("the road is very narrow"). We all need the sacraments, the body, blood, soul and divinity of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Books help (CS Lewis is priceless).
So all this AI has greatly affected what I will "watch" for background "company" as I try to work, a lot of which is "druggery". So, you're PURE GOLD because you're genuine. Ditto all those other podcasters who slog through using their own thoughts, their own words and experiences. Keep it up.
I'm going back to FL (flying) soon with my "patient-neighbor" whom I am my family are helping. God bless, do not let other people make you feel bad. Think about Jesus. Look at how people treated Him (the bad ones). ("They hated me without cause.") He just kept on trying to help and do good no matter what.
I'm getting AI burnout, too. It's too much, and it's everywhere.
It has valid uses, and there are people making cool stuff with it, but it's oversaturated and...I don't know, it's like every kid got access to a digital genie with infinite wishes.
Let me be the first to say....the individual with a classic case of brute mentality, who decided that a punch to your heart and soul would make him feel so much better about himself is a classic narcissist. They are expert in hating you for any criticism you levy at them and actually make it a point to project their Shallow Hal persona onto anyone who crosses them.
The key to recognizing a narcissist is....they will call you one first. Classic.
If it's any consolation, Steve, more people than I can count have done the same to me.
But never to my face. They make sure their friends get the low down on me and anyone they work with, distant family and their dog.
I had a dear friend in a nursing home. I went their every day to make sure the grossly understaffed, corporate owned facility wasn't drugging her to death. In time, I had many inmates whom I befriended. One particular took a real shine to me. She was there for physical therapy....and we had the best time. One day, out of the blue, she asked me my last name. Small world. She was neighbors with a couple who couldn't have disliked me more.
She never talked to me again.
It hurts, dear. But you have to consider the source.
I know. But the arsonist doesn’t need more than a small match to start a fire when there’s so much dry kindling inside you, brittle and wilting for a flame.
And he brought my attention back to something I already knew - an entire community of strangers feeding on my pain like a bunch of corpse eaters. Human beings are such awful things when they never bother to cultivate an ounce of empathy, let alone virtue.
Of course the narcissist brought up that which he knew would hurt you the most....causing you more turmoil as you entertain his words. You know better than to give in to that.
He doesn't know but that which you shared. If we think that by sharing our deepest pain it won't be thrown back in our face, we would be wrong.
That's why I love dogs.
Maybe your writing could take a turn towards surviving (dare I say thriving?) in this world via beauty and the like? I am hanging on the transcendentals and molding my kids in them, even as I stare down the specter of AI, a future of which I am terrified.
That's what I WAS going to write about today. I just needed to reset the frame. Keeping it real means dealing with the bad days, too.
I don’t have a solution to the prevalence of negativity in cyberspaces, but I will tell you what I have found helpful. I recently found a small men’s group that meets weekly in my neighborhood in LA with two LMFTs. Seven of us converge on a small living room for 90 minutes of sanity. The guys listen to each other. They relate. They develop esteem and trust. Bullshit levels are low. It sounds simple, but in our current cultural situation, it’s quite rewarding, and certainly revolutionary. I wonder if something similar might be available in your area.
Might be. I work a lot so I don't have a lot of free time at normal hours. I've been looking for opportunities to socialize, taking into account that I am extremely selective about friends (mostly because I'm just not like most other people) and naturally somewhat reclusive. I've made only a couple of new guy friends since leaving college. It's tricky.
But I absolutely need IRL social interaction or I'm going to go nuts.
The expectation of the group is not friendship, but basic human civility. Though my experience is that because men have so few experiences of consistent, humane and trustworthy community and a safe place to speak with authenticity, something approaching friendship often develops.
Some men arrived at the group feeling very isolated and with an expectation that they would share little in common with other guys in the room. But they experienced something different… maybe not the first night, but within a few weeks.
Now the guys are talking about meeting on their own after the ten week program ends.
That's what people do when they're losing the argument and have nothing of substance to say. They launch a personal attack. Definitely says more about them than about you.
You have chosen to make your life something of an open book through this substack. Unfortunately, whatever healing you achieve from writing about your experience comes at a price: exposing that experience to complete strangers who hide in anonymity. Only you can decide if it’s worth that.
Thanks, I’m well aware of the dynamic here, which is why I specifically wrote about that aspect.
Ah, Steve, don't let the bastards get you down. Pray for your provacateur. Yeah, I pray for people who attack me. But I do react to them (not out of anger, but in self-defense), as you have, so that's a sign of mental health. I can't do Twitter--TMI, and I can't figure out how it really works. The same is true of FB. Just skim along the surface of FB enough to try to buy stuff on marketplace. I think Zuckerberg brought us "cancel" culture.
I'm getting AI burnout. I like how ChatGPT can answer a lot of technical, legal, accounting, tax, business, history questions I have, but I resent that I can't get a human on a phone (and when I do, they have such strong foreign accents I can barely understand them) and that the youtube videos all seem AI-produced these days. If there isn't a REAL, FAMILIAR talking head (like yours, or Kale, or Joe Rogan, etc., Jordan, or all the RE and Biz guys and gals), I'm not listening. Can't take Tucker or Candace, though I think CK's death broke Candace at some level. I don't know what broke Tucker. I think not belonging to a church. He says he reads the Bible. That's not enough. I need fellowship with other Christians to advise me, encourage me, keep me thinking and actiing straight ("the road is very narrow"). We all need the sacraments, the body, blood, soul and divinity of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Books help (CS Lewis is priceless).
So all this AI has greatly affected what I will "watch" for background "company" as I try to work, a lot of which is "druggery". So, you're PURE GOLD because you're genuine. Ditto all those other podcasters who slog through using their own thoughts, their own words and experiences. Keep it up.
I'm going back to FL (flying) soon with my "patient-neighbor" whom I am my family are helping. God bless, do not let other people make you feel bad. Think about Jesus. Look at how people treated Him (the bad ones). ("They hated me without cause.") He just kept on trying to help and do good no matter what.
I'm getting AI burnout, too. It's too much, and it's everywhere.
It has valid uses, and there are people making cool stuff with it, but it's oversaturated and...I don't know, it's like every kid got access to a digital genie with infinite wishes.
Just got around to reading your post this morning...
Quote: "There is beauty in the world, and beauty is a salve."
Focus on the beauty then - and not the ugly. Paint beauty with your words - starting in your own heart.