Martin Luther said "Until a man is nothing, God can do nothing with him." No alcoholic recovers until he or she has hit bottom and is ready to surrender. My first sponsor told me "just do the next right thing." How will I know what that is, I asked. "Do what's right in front of you" was the reply. One day at time, sometimes one minute at a time, my life came back together. That was 34 years ago. You've come a long way in a year. You will be much farther down the road a year from now. Just do the next right thing. And yeah, sometimes it's something we don't want to do.
If I had to base my assessment of what you've written on any one theme, it would be that deep down, the thought of moving; the thought of leaving what once presented a challenge, a horrible dilemma which you rose to and conquered, is eating away at you.
Thus the return of the constant turmoil you went through when first you had to find a place to live and a coffee shop.
All of it comes back with a vengence....and then some.
But here's the thing, Steve.
Not one person, however secure they think they are; however loved, however cared for, is promised the same for tomorrow. NOT ONE.
The key is to NOT dwell on "what if's".
The more you do, the worse you will feel. I've done it all my life UNTIL I stopped. Now, I am grateful for every little thing and it's made all the difference.
I already know that what I write today isn't going to help you now but it will eventually. lol
"It’s not enough. I don’t know how people do this. It’s like being dead while you’re still alive."
Yep. I remember this. I am not there anymore, and you will not be there forever. And note well: I did not think up an exciting new life purpose for myself or find a replacement Person or anything - I just kept walking. You can too, and it will get better, I promise.
"I need love. I need care. I need someone looking after me who isn’t me."
It sounds like you need a mom!
My mom passed away last week. We bury her today. In her final hours, unable to speak and knocked out on pain meds, she finally opened her eyes some and looked straight at me. For the longest time she kept looking at me trying to open her eyes wider. I don't know what she was thinking, but it sure felt like she was glad that she had her son at her side when her life was ending.
At some point, we go from being the one who needs, to being the one who is there.
Pull on that reservoir that seems empty, giving to others. And God will fill it.
I don’t need a mom. I need what every man needs: someone who knows how to nurture and counsel as a partner. I need someone looking after the things I don’t notice, don’t prioritize, etc. I’m always focused on something else. Having someone who looks out for you is huge.
And I want to do it for her, too. But it means mutual awareness and seeing. It means complimentarity. It’s not a zero sum game.
I’m sorry to hear about your mom, but I’m glad you were able to spend some time with her.
"Is belief really the mouse’s search for the cat?"
Yes.
"Why do you believe that? Do you imagine yourself his equal?"
I absolutely despise this framing. My children have a right to expect me to be their father and seek them out and assist them, because I gave them life.
God does more than give us life. He (if the stories can be believed) expects a great deal from us. Love, adoration, and worship, all while he hides?
There's nothing just or loving about that.
And there are very clear parables about God going out of his way to look for lost sheep/sons.
We need to stop doing this thing where we convince ourselves and others that God owes us nothing, that the entire weight of the relationship is on us, that if we cannot find our way to faith it's our deficiency, etc. I do not accept any of this as rational or just.
"The book of Job is instructive."
I think it's a powerful argument against divine omnibenevolence, actually.
That’s a dodge. And it comes from a place where God is not a loving father, but some harsh, aloof taskmaster who owes you no assistance, just makes demands and punishes you if you don’t meet them.
How is Christianity an upgrade over pagan gods if that’s all he is?
You're not engaging with anything I'm actually saying.
You're taking inherited understandings of God (inherited from whoever instructed you) and assembling them into a montage of attributes.
You're not testing them for rationality. You're not saying, "what does the word omnibenevolence mean?"
The words we use to describe God MUST have human intelligibility, or they're useless. If we're made in his image and likeness there MUST be some basic mirroring of God in us.
I can accept the idea that God in his essence and attributes is much more than we can ever understand, but I refuse to accept that God is entirely inscrutable to us or there would be no point to revelation or doctrine or any of it.
Why would Christ speak of God in parables if the analogies he makes to human experiences of love, mercy, justice, fatherhood, etc. are all so fundamentally flawed that they don't mean what we mean when we say them?
Expecting a God referred to repeatedly as a loving, heavenly father, not to act in any way like a loving, earthly father is...ridiculous.
If my biological father wants to have a relationship with me, it can't be all on me, and it can't be all on him. It has to be a meeting. He moves towards me, I move towards him. If he loves me and wants my greatest good, then it makes no sense to never return my messages or calls when I'm desperate for his help.
The idea that the finite, intellectually compromised, created beings with corrupted wills have to do all the work to create a relationship with the infinite, perfect, all-powerful hidden divine is utterly nonsensical.
I'll die on this hill.
By creating us, a good God also creates a duty towards us -- just as any earthly father creates a duty to his children when he sires new life.
If the argument is that no such duty exists, because he's the creator and you're the created, you're just making an argument that he's neither good nor loving. You can't have both.
Martin Luther said "Until a man is nothing, God can do nothing with him." No alcoholic recovers until he or she has hit bottom and is ready to surrender. My first sponsor told me "just do the next right thing." How will I know what that is, I asked. "Do what's right in front of you" was the reply. One day at time, sometimes one minute at a time, my life came back together. That was 34 years ago. You've come a long way in a year. You will be much farther down the road a year from now. Just do the next right thing. And yeah, sometimes it's something we don't want to do.
If I had to base my assessment of what you've written on any one theme, it would be that deep down, the thought of moving; the thought of leaving what once presented a challenge, a horrible dilemma which you rose to and conquered, is eating away at you.
Thus the return of the constant turmoil you went through when first you had to find a place to live and a coffee shop.
All of it comes back with a vengence....and then some.
But here's the thing, Steve.
Not one person, however secure they think they are; however loved, however cared for, is promised the same for tomorrow. NOT ONE.
The key is to NOT dwell on "what if's".
The more you do, the worse you will feel. I've done it all my life UNTIL I stopped. Now, I am grateful for every little thing and it's made all the difference.
I already know that what I write today isn't going to help you now but it will eventually. lol
"It’s not enough. I don’t know how people do this. It’s like being dead while you’re still alive."
Yep. I remember this. I am not there anymore, and you will not be there forever. And note well: I did not think up an exciting new life purpose for myself or find a replacement Person or anything - I just kept walking. You can too, and it will get better, I promise.
Owls have wise eyes. Athena's eyes.
"I need love. I need care. I need someone looking after me who isn’t me."
It sounds like you need a mom!
My mom passed away last week. We bury her today. In her final hours, unable to speak and knocked out on pain meds, she finally opened her eyes some and looked straight at me. For the longest time she kept looking at me trying to open her eyes wider. I don't know what she was thinking, but it sure felt like she was glad that she had her son at her side when her life was ending.
At some point, we go from being the one who needs, to being the one who is there.
Pull on that reservoir that seems empty, giving to others. And God will fill it.
I don’t need a mom. I need what every man needs: someone who knows how to nurture and counsel as a partner. I need someone looking after the things I don’t notice, don’t prioritize, etc. I’m always focused on something else. Having someone who looks out for you is huge.
And I want to do it for her, too. But it means mutual awareness and seeing. It means complimentarity. It’s not a zero sum game.
I’m sorry to hear about your mom, but I’m glad you were able to spend some time with her.
This is characteristically well-written.
“I’ve got to find him first.” Why do you believe that? Is belief really the mouse’s search for the cat?
“And to do that, he’s going to have to meet me halfway.” Why do you believe that? Do you imagine yourself his equal? The book of Job is instructive.
"Is belief really the mouse’s search for the cat?"
Yes.
"Why do you believe that? Do you imagine yourself his equal?"
I absolutely despise this framing. My children have a right to expect me to be their father and seek them out and assist them, because I gave them life.
God does more than give us life. He (if the stories can be believed) expects a great deal from us. Love, adoration, and worship, all while he hides?
There's nothing just or loving about that.
And there are very clear parables about God going out of his way to look for lost sheep/sons.
We need to stop doing this thing where we convince ourselves and others that God owes us nothing, that the entire weight of the relationship is on us, that if we cannot find our way to faith it's our deficiency, etc. I do not accept any of this as rational or just.
"The book of Job is instructive."
I think it's a powerful argument against divine omnibenevolence, actually.
If you get to set the terms of the relationship with God, then you’re not the creature but the Creator. By definition.
That’s a dodge. And it comes from a place where God is not a loving father, but some harsh, aloof taskmaster who owes you no assistance, just makes demands and punishes you if you don’t meet them.
How is Christianity an upgrade over pagan gods if that’s all he is?
Vindictiveness does not necessarily follow from omnipotence. God is not made in man’s image.
You're not engaging with anything I'm actually saying.
You're taking inherited understandings of God (inherited from whoever instructed you) and assembling them into a montage of attributes.
You're not testing them for rationality. You're not saying, "what does the word omnibenevolence mean?"
The words we use to describe God MUST have human intelligibility, or they're useless. If we're made in his image and likeness there MUST be some basic mirroring of God in us.
I can accept the idea that God in his essence and attributes is much more than we can ever understand, but I refuse to accept that God is entirely inscrutable to us or there would be no point to revelation or doctrine or any of it.
Why would Christ speak of God in parables if the analogies he makes to human experiences of love, mercy, justice, fatherhood, etc. are all so fundamentally flawed that they don't mean what we mean when we say them?
Expecting a God referred to repeatedly as a loving, heavenly father, not to act in any way like a loving, earthly father is...ridiculous.
If my biological father wants to have a relationship with me, it can't be all on me, and it can't be all on him. It has to be a meeting. He moves towards me, I move towards him. If he loves me and wants my greatest good, then it makes no sense to never return my messages or calls when I'm desperate for his help.
The idea that the finite, intellectually compromised, created beings with corrupted wills have to do all the work to create a relationship with the infinite, perfect, all-powerful hidden divine is utterly nonsensical.
I'll die on this hill.
By creating us, a good God also creates a duty towards us -- just as any earthly father creates a duty to his children when he sires new life.
If the argument is that no such duty exists, because he's the creator and you're the created, you're just making an argument that he's neither good nor loving. You can't have both.