"Men Don't Need Sex"

The Battle of the Sexes is Reaching Levels of Critical Dysfunction, and the Future is at Stake

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There’s a huge elephant in the societal living room that demands sober assessment and analysis: the escalating battle of the sexes.

I think this is one of the most important conversations in our civilizational discourse, and for various personal reasons, very few of us want to wade into these troubled waters. Single people don’t have the experience to comment. Married people don’t want to expose the dynamics of their own relationships — or get in trouble at home.

But speak about it we must.

Demographic decline was already a looming problem, and with this acceleration of events, I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that the future of the human race is going to be deeply affected by what happens if we don’t get this sorted.

The broken relational dynamics between modern men and women comprise too big of a topic to tackle in one post, so today I’m going to zero in on just the specific aspect mentioned in the headline — more on that in a minute.

First, let’s set the stage for where things are in 2025.

The growing tension between the sexes is reaching saturation in the public consciousness. You can see the signs in the increasingly antagonistic character of male/female online discourse, as well as in the very pointed headlines that have been published all year. Here are a few of the latter, in no particular order:

• How Bad is America’s Romantic Recession?

• Women Are Refusing To Be In Relationships With Men In Record Numbers, And This Is The Brutal Truth Behind Why

• Why are young men so hopeless at dating?

• American Women Are Giving up on Marriage

• The Slow, Quiet Demise of American Romance

• Men, Where Have You Gone? Please Come Back.

“Body count” discourse — the discussion of how many sexual partners a person has had before their current relationship — has become nearly ubiquitous in most such discussions. Sexual promiscuity — particularly among young women at levels we’ve never previously seen — is exerting a very potent dynamic in mate selection.

Gender roles have been erased, even as they are instinctually yearned for. Young women are now beginning to out-earn young men, and they also comprise the majority of students enrolled in university, as well as holding the majority of college degrees. They are overrepresented in a number of professional fields.

And yet, women still want men to be good providers, but only feel that this is possible if men earn more than they do. When married women begin out-earning their husbands, they’re 50% more likely to initiate a divorce — and women initiate at least 69% of divorces, though some estimate that number may actually be even higher.

In general, women are increasingly vocal these days about how there are “no good men” available. There has been a much-commented-upon trend among women wherein they rank their attractiveness far higher than any objective evaluation would support, while simultaneously downranking the attractiveness of men.

Men, meanwhile, are becoming increasingly disillusioned with the prospect of finding a woman who would make a good wife. The “redpill” movement among men (the idiomatic definition of which seems to have largely shifted from a political to a relational context otherwise known as the “manosphere”) covers a spectrum of disillusionment with women from the relatively benign — commentators who seek to help men cut through the psychological games women play and better themselves enough to find good mates — to the kind of malignant misogyny promoted by controversial figures like Andrew Tate.

In other words: it’s getting ugly out there.

In a recent podcast discussion on the Diary of a CEO podcast with host Steven Bartlett and Logan Ury, Director of Relationship Science at the dating app Hinge, Scott Galloway, who is on the advisory council for the American Institute for Boys and Men, broke down quite succinctly what the landscape is looking out there for men who are not in the top 1% of attractiveness and wealth:

The question he asks, “Where do men demonstrate excellence?”, is of critical importance. Men have fewer and fewer opportunities, in a modern context, for this kind of demonstration of worth. They have physical advantages that no longer help them in most modern work. You don’t need higher bone density and muscle mass and endurance to send emails or write code. They were meant to hunt and fight for their homelands and families, to pursue purpose-driven quests for honor and even glory, through physical and mental discipline and tenacity in the face of difficult odds. History offers prolific examples of men of great accomplishment and renown. Warriors, orators, rulers, explorers.

Where are those kind of men today? Where do they have an opportunity to flourish without being labeled as “toxic” or “narcissistic”? Sports? Movies? Have we relegated acceptable male excellence to little more than the context of public entertainment?

Most men are confined to meaningless office work or service jobs. They push papers and sit in meetings dominated by female superiors, and have to carefully suppress their competitive instincts and avoid being lured into situations that could land them in hot water with HR. Or they work in trades, which, while noble and often well-paying, tend to be associated with lower education and status, reducing their pool of potential mates.

Is it any wonder that the birthrate in America has declined yet again in the 1st quarter of 2025?

I have long believed that the reason so many men are attracted to video games is because they act as simulators for traditional male achievement: the rules are clear, the challenges are difficult, and the rewards, while artificial, feel like success. They get to fight, and quest, and explore, and adventure. They feel, at the end, as though they’ve accomplished something — even if that something is, in reality, totally meaningless. Achievement without impact on the world or lasting legacy.

And of course, we all know that most pop culture portrayals of men — particularly fathers — have us looking like buffoons who have to be constantly saved from our own bumbling by hypercompetent women.

“Men don’t need sex.”

I’m not sure exactly why, but this theme in particular has appeared repeatedly online over the past few months. Most recently, it emerged as part of a discussion between Lila Rose, Founder and President of pro-life organization Live Action, and Chrissy Horton, a “content creator and mother of six” who operates an Instagram account with nearly 400,000 followers.

Here’s Lila’s introduction to the topic in a post on X:

Men don’t need sex.

Our culture is so hypersexualized that the idea of a celibate priest leaves people in disbelief—as if it’s impossible. That’s heartbreaking. Have we really forgotten that self-control and virtue are within reach?

Look at Jesus Christ. The most perfect man to ever walk the earth was celibate and sinless before He was crucified for our sins. Shouldn’t He be the supreme model for manhood? Self-mastery. Discipline. Total self-gift—all out of love.

Priests choose celibacy so their hearts can belong entirely to God. As St. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35:

“I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided... I say this for your own benefit... to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”

Abstinence isn’t just for priests—intermittent abstinence can also be a beautiful practice within marriage if a couple has a serious reason to delay bringing a baby into the world. When practicing Natural Family Planning (NFP), spouses can grow in self-mastery, deepen their love, and remain faithful to God’s design for marriage.

Christ is the model. Love is the reason. Holiness is the goal.

Here’s the accompanying video clip from the podcast:

There are a lot of odd things going on in this video. The “hot priest” commentary is just the beginning. The conflating of the voluntary sacrifice of clerical celibacy for a higher calling with the normative standards of a marital relationship is another. The praising of “intermittent abstinence” within marriage under the admonishment that “men don’t NEED sex” is another.

And it’s this casual dismissal of the male need for sexual intimacy as a primary means of bonding with his spouse that is, I think, the most grating of all, because it betrays a fundamental misunderstanding of human nature in the service of ideology.

Ironically, these women are both Catholic, but seem to have no understanding of the Catholic teaching on the so-called “marital debt,” which is predicated upon the understanding that marriage is a divinely willed and uniquely sexual relationship. The denial of sex as an essential component was always viewed by the Church as an inducement to sexual sin and disunity.

St. Paul made things clear in 1 Cor. 7:2-5:

[T]o avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

Here’s Thomas Aquinas on the question:

As the slave is in the power of his master, so is one spouse in the power of the other (1 Corinthians 7:4). But a slave is bound by an obligation of precept to pay his master the debt of his service according to Romans 13:7, "Render . . . to all men their dues, tribute to whom tribute is due," etc. Therefore husband and wife are mutually bound to the payment of the marriage debt.

Further, marriage is directed to the avoiding of fornication (1 Corinthians 7:2). But this could not be the effect of marriage, if the one were not bound to pay the debt to the other when the latter is troubled with concupiscence. Therefore the payment of the debt is an obligation of precept.

I answer that, Marriage was instituted especially as fulfilling an office of nature. Wherefore in its act the movement of nature must be observed according to which the nutritive power administers to the generative power that alone which is in excess of what is required for the preservation of the individual: for the natural order requires that a thing should be first perfected in itself, and that afterwards it should communicate of its perfection to others: and this is also the order of charity which perfects nature. And therefore, since the wife has power over her husband only in relation to the generative power and not in relation to things directed to the preservation of the individual, the husband is bound to pay the debt to his wife, in matters pertaining to the begetting of children, with due regard however to his own welfare.

Pope Pius XI in the encyclical, Casti Connubii:

The second blessing of matrimony which We said was mentioned by St. Augustine, is the blessing of conjugal honor which consists in the mutual fidelity of the spouses in fulfilling the marriage contract, so that what belongs to one of the parties by reason of this contract sanctioned by divine law, may not be denied to him or permitted to any third person; nor may there be conceded to one of the parties anything which, being contrary to the rights and laws of God and entirely opposed to matrimonial faith, can never be conceded.

For years, I’ve watched women in social discourse demean the fact that for men, sex is critically important. “Men only want one thing, and it’s disgusting” is a commonly-trotted-out meme. And you see it even among supposedly Christian women.

Women who say things like this with regularity:

Aside from the fact that these women have absolutely no familiarity with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, which places intimacy in the middle tier of the pyramid of human needs, because it is obviously a lesser need than physiological needs (food, air, water, etc.) or security (shelter, health, income, etc.) but still an actual need, they utterly discount the difference in neurochemistry and physiology between men and women.

As Scott Galloway mentioned in the podcast clip above, men are evolutionarily driven to “spread their seed” as far and as wide as possible for the greatest chance of reproductive success, and women are evolutionarily driven to be highly selective of whose seed they are willing to accept, in order to obtain the highest quality genetics in a mate and the greatest degree of security for the birth and nurturing of offspring.

These fundamental drives are natural and compatible, not conflicting.

Men are very sexually driven. Women are very security driven. They are operating from different, but mutually beneficial instincts. Men need sex to feel emotionally connected, and women need emotional connection to want sex. There is a kind of chirality to their respective drives, like the way a left hand and a right hand have different orientations, but when placed together create a perfect mirror image.

I’ve never seen men casually dismiss the idea that women need to feel safe and secure in their relationships. So the female tendency to dismiss sex as an authentic male need is jarring.

There’s real science behind that need.

I was searching for articles on the topic, but since Google has become nearly unusable, and was turning up a lot of junk results, I turned to ChatGPT and Grok for a scientific explanation. Grok gave me the more thorough answer. And one of the key factors is the role of the hormone Oxytocin in pair bonding — and the fact that women have naturally significantly higher Oxytocin levels than men, while men primarily produce Oxytocin during sex:

What Is Oxytocin and Why Does It Matter?

Oxytocin is a hormone and neurotransmitter produced in the brain's hypothalamus and released by the pituitary gland. It's often called the "love hormone" because it promotes feelings of trust, empathy, attachment, and social connection. During intimate activities like sex, oxytocin surges, helping to create emotional bonds and reduce stress. For men, this hormone is particularly important because it doesn't just enhance physical pleasure—it acts as a natural regulator for emotions, lowering anxiety and cortisol (the stress hormone) levels, which can lead to a calmer, more connected state post-sex. This release can make men feel more emotionally secure and attached to their partners, countering the stereotype that men's interest in sex is purely physical or recreational.

Sex Differences in Oxytocin: How Men and Women Generate It Differently

Baseline oxytocin levels tend to be significantly higher in women (around three times higher on average in some studies) than in men, which may contribute to why women often report feeling bonded through non-sexual social interactions like talking or cuddling. Estrogen in women appears to amplify oxytocin's effects, making it more readily available for social and emotional processing. (Source) In contrast, men's oxytocin production is more closely tied to physical stimuli, such as touch and sexual arousal, and is influenced by testosterone. (Source)

During sex, both genders experience an oxytocin spike, but the timing and effects can differ:

• In men, oxytocin ramps up during arousal and peaks at orgasm, remaining elevated for about 30 minutes afterward. This not only intensifies pleasure but also strengthens emotional attachment, making men more likely to feel trusting and bonded to their partner. Studies show this can promote fidelity and long-term pair bonding by enhancing the rewarding aspects of the relationship.

• In women, oxytocin release is often higher overall during intimacy, especially post-orgasm, and it may lean more toward nurturing or "tend-and-befriend" responses, like seeking closeness through conversation. For men, the surge can trigger a "fight-or-flight" modulation under stress, but in positive contexts like sex, it shifts toward protection and connection.

These differences mean that for many men, sex isn't just optional—it's a primary way to access oxytocin's benefits for emotional stability. Without it, men might miss out on this natural boost, potentially leading to higher stress or weaker relational ties.

[…]

Sex's Role in Mate Bonding for Men

Mate bonding is the deep emotional attachment that keeps relationships strong. For men, sex is a cornerstone here because it leverages oxytocin to create a sense of unity and trust that's harder to achieve through words alone. (Source)

Key ways this happens:

• Strengthening Attachment: The oxytocin released during sex makes men more empathetic and attuned to their partner's needs, fostering long-term commitment. Couples show synchronized oxytocin levels peaking 40 minutes after sex, which correlates with greater relationship satisfaction. (Source 1; Source 2)

• Unique to Men? While women might bond through ongoing affection, men's bonding often peaks during physical intimacy, where oxytocin helps bridge emotional gaps. This can make sex feel essential for men to maintain closeness, debunking the myth that they can "go without" without relational costs. (Source) Research indicates that satisfying sex activates brain areas linked to motivation and reward, reinforcing pair bonds in ways that support monogamy. (Source)

The idea that “men don’t need sex” isn’t just a myth, it’s a particularly pernicious one. It’s every bit as important to long-term relationship health for men as emotional safety and personal security are to women. It isn’t a “nice to have.” It’s not a reward for good behavior, the notion of which leaves many men in sexless or sex-limited marriages in constant performative pursuit of having his needs met. It is an essential, ongoing part of any healthy marriage.

When it is treated as something that can be put on hold indefinitely, especially when that decision is made unilaterally by the party who is less interested — typically the woman — it physiologically and psychologically weakens the glue that holds the whole thing together.

There’s a lot about male/female relationships in the modern world that’s broken. Because of sex’s procreative power, it makes the most sense for it to be the unique privilege of couples who are committed to long-term stability, which is the best environment for the nurturing of children. But with the advent of widespread and fairly reliable methods of contraception, sex has become the plaything of singles who are merely looking for a “good time,” without the commitment and responsibility of caring for offspring.

While men have historically been the more promiscuous sex, while women bore the burden of any children born out of wedlock, these innovations have led many single women to engage in the kind of sexual promiscuity that causes them to be viewed as poor “wife material,” and has disincentivized men from taking on the duties and responsibilities of marriage to get the sex they crave. Women have now commoditized sex to gain attention and money from men, and men have been freed of the relational commitment that was required for them to have access to sex. Prostitution and pornography have been de-stigmatized. There’s a new class of young female millionaires raking in cash through their OnlyFans accounts while many of the men who pay for access make a fraction of the income. Being a “virgin” past high school is now seen as a mark of shame.

We’re a long way from the days of The Scarlet Letter.

And all of this serves to re-frame sex as an exciting recreational activity that is, essentially, a luxury good: enjoyable and desirable but ultimately negotiable and non-essential.

And while this is quite obviously causing a decline in marriage rates overall, these twisted societal attitudes around sex have spilled over into marriages, too. Combined with other factors like women out-earning and out-learning men, the relational ecosystem around male provision and protection and female domesticity and nurturing upon which the world was structured for thousands of years is coming apart at the seams.

Men are becoming increasingly marginalized, purposeless, and depressed. Women are becoming increasingly childless, career oriented, and independent. Both are drowning in loneliness. Neither trusts or values the other enough to get married — or stay married if they are. It’s no wonder the majority of marriages now end in divorce.

If we don’t find a way to begin addressing this, the results will be catastrophic in the long term.

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