You may have a boring life, Steve, but your writing and pictures made that day seem like an adventure. I think I enjoyed this essay as much as the Skinner Box discussion you had with Kale. Of the sign pics you took my favorite was “Deco.” You called the encounter with the pizza girl “serendipity.” I’d call it blessing. She was right. Don’t give up. Many of us out here in the ether would say the same thing, because we love ya, ya big lunk.
Exactly. One big 1000 piece, all the same color scheme with varying hues which is supposed to be a wheat field when completed. And you're still trying to sort according to shades.
The pizza girl said it. Her words rang loud and clear to me. Believe her, Steve. As trying, boring, discouraging and frustrating as life is in the puzzle, you've come a long way. A very long way.
Pizza girl was meant to be there at that moment in time to say what she did. No coincidence.
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is Kingly. Thousands at his bidding speed
And post o’er Land and Ocean without rest:
They also serve who only stand and wait.”
John Milton, sonnet 19 On His Blindness
For the first two and a half years after my husband left, getting out of bed every morning was the struggle of "what is even the point of this?" Mercifully, like you, I have kids to whom I still owe service, so even though I couldn't see anything in the future, I had to get up that day to do the things to mother my boys. I couldn't see anything worth doing in the future, though, and it was a real struggle and grief to me for a long time. I leaned a lot on "they also serve who only stand and wait" during that time, and fall back on it when the doldrums hit.
Think of it this way: you know how when you are in grief other folks ask "what can I do for you" and there's nothing really they can do or say to make it better except just show up and walk beside you and bear witness? It feels awkward and difficult to be a companion in suffering when there's nothing you can do to fix it, but that's the only thing to be done. Maybe this is where you are: show up. Bear witness. It's hard, but that's the only job right now, and you're doing it. God bless you.
You're a good photographer. I'm happy to see what Raleigh looks like because I'll probably never get there or most other places. This may shock you, but who said "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation." It's true at times for most all men. Imagine being Prince Andrew or Prince Harry right now. I'm worried for them both (and Fergie). I'm taking care of a sick neighbor , a totally alone-in-the world neighbor (long story, he's 82 and truly an orphan) 24/7, for the foreseeable future. Yeah, Steve, not making this up. So I told God "I'm not up for this." And here's what I got back: "I want you to try." So I tried. And then (I've been on duty, 24/7 for 2 weeks, and this gentleman needs nursing like work, like an adult infant in some respects (it gets physical), and then I find myself in this sweet zone. Not ALL THE TIME in the sweet zone, just some of the time--you'll know it when you find it (and I'm convinced you will find it). And the list making continues--so helpful. So keep making lists. Then add prayer, belief, return to the faith, and your innate, God-given talents and instincts, and you WILL land on your feet. We're all pulling for you, including the saints, the angels, God the Father, Jesu Christus, the Son, the HS, and your ancestry in Heaven (I'm sure you have a boatload up there), your subscribers, your podcast viewers. Did I forget anyone? The Blessed Virgin Mother: "When I find myself in time of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be, let it be." Thanks, Sir Paul McCarthy, for that lovely tune.
That DoorDash work sounds like a dead end. Barely money to pay the gas? Man! What happens when your car breaks down?
There are other ways to get out. Go to book stores earlier in the day. Go to the park, take your shoes off, feel the grass, breathe the air - and watch the world go by. Or how about this - take a small table, a couple chairs, and set up somewhere - out in the park - at the bookstore - or outside one of those bars - take a puzzle - a checker board - a deck of cards. Put a little sign up - "Play Checkers with a Real Human" - "Swap Stories" - "NHI Expert" - or my personal favorite - "It's gonna be OK, I promise"!
Or learn the history of that area of town and offer walking tours - "pay whatever you want". Use your phone and AI to ask it about all the buildings so you know what you're talking about. Or how about finding some groups you can do things with -tag football - ultimate frisbee - even a men's bible study. Find a church that is having a potluck and just show up.
You're smart. You're gifted. And you have been called by the Most High to more than a DoorDash / hermit life.
You may have a boring life, Steve, but your writing and pictures made that day seem like an adventure. I think I enjoyed this essay as much as the Skinner Box discussion you had with Kale. Of the sign pics you took my favorite was “Deco.” You called the encounter with the pizza girl “serendipity.” I’d call it blessing. She was right. Don’t give up. Many of us out here in the ether would say the same thing, because we love ya, ya big lunk.
Thanks! That Deco one is my favorite, too.
I just read the comment Skip wrote and he said what I was going to say, only better.
Like I always tell my daughter, one day, sooner than we think,we will wish we had back every single day that we did the same thing over snd over.
We really will.
I already do. It’s a puzzle box I can’t seem to find my way out of.
Exactly. One big 1000 piece, all the same color scheme with varying hues which is supposed to be a wheat field when completed. And you're still trying to sort according to shades.
The pizza girl said it. Her words rang loud and clear to me. Believe her, Steve. As trying, boring, discouraging and frustrating as life is in the puzzle, you've come a long way. A very long way.
Pizza girl was meant to be there at that moment in time to say what she did. No coincidence.
When I consider how my light is spent,
Ere half my days, in this dark world and wide,
And that one Talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my Soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest he returning chide;
“Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?”
I fondly ask. But patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, “God doth not need
Either man’s work or his own gifts; who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is Kingly. Thousands at his bidding speed
And post o’er Land and Ocean without rest:
They also serve who only stand and wait.”
John Milton, sonnet 19 On His Blindness
For the first two and a half years after my husband left, getting out of bed every morning was the struggle of "what is even the point of this?" Mercifully, like you, I have kids to whom I still owe service, so even though I couldn't see anything in the future, I had to get up that day to do the things to mother my boys. I couldn't see anything worth doing in the future, though, and it was a real struggle and grief to me for a long time. I leaned a lot on "they also serve who only stand and wait" during that time, and fall back on it when the doldrums hit.
Think of it this way: you know how when you are in grief other folks ask "what can I do for you" and there's nothing really they can do or say to make it better except just show up and walk beside you and bear witness? It feels awkward and difficult to be a companion in suffering when there's nothing you can do to fix it, but that's the only thing to be done. Maybe this is where you are: show up. Bear witness. It's hard, but that's the only job right now, and you're doing it. God bless you.
I will continue to scold you for the monster intake, mind you.
I expect nothing less.
You're a good photographer. I'm happy to see what Raleigh looks like because I'll probably never get there or most other places. This may shock you, but who said "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation." It's true at times for most all men. Imagine being Prince Andrew or Prince Harry right now. I'm worried for them both (and Fergie). I'm taking care of a sick neighbor , a totally alone-in-the world neighbor (long story, he's 82 and truly an orphan) 24/7, for the foreseeable future. Yeah, Steve, not making this up. So I told God "I'm not up for this." And here's what I got back: "I want you to try." So I tried. And then (I've been on duty, 24/7 for 2 weeks, and this gentleman needs nursing like work, like an adult infant in some respects (it gets physical), and then I find myself in this sweet zone. Not ALL THE TIME in the sweet zone, just some of the time--you'll know it when you find it (and I'm convinced you will find it). And the list making continues--so helpful. So keep making lists. Then add prayer, belief, return to the faith, and your innate, God-given talents and instincts, and you WILL land on your feet. We're all pulling for you, including the saints, the angels, God the Father, Jesu Christus, the Son, the HS, and your ancestry in Heaven (I'm sure you have a boatload up there), your subscribers, your podcast viewers. Did I forget anyone? The Blessed Virgin Mother: "When I find myself in time of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be, let it be." Thanks, Sir Paul McCarthy, for that lovely tune.
That DoorDash work sounds like a dead end. Barely money to pay the gas? Man! What happens when your car breaks down?
There are other ways to get out. Go to book stores earlier in the day. Go to the park, take your shoes off, feel the grass, breathe the air - and watch the world go by. Or how about this - take a small table, a couple chairs, and set up somewhere - out in the park - at the bookstore - or outside one of those bars - take a puzzle - a checker board - a deck of cards. Put a little sign up - "Play Checkers with a Real Human" - "Swap Stories" - "NHI Expert" - or my personal favorite - "It's gonna be OK, I promise"!
Or learn the history of that area of town and offer walking tours - "pay whatever you want". Use your phone and AI to ask it about all the buildings so you know what you're talking about. Or how about finding some groups you can do things with -tag football - ultimate frisbee - even a men's bible study. Find a church that is having a potluck and just show up.
You're smart. You're gifted. And you have been called by the Most High to more than a DoorDash / hermit life.
It's all a dead end right now. But until I can build enough that my cashflow is positive, I weave dead ends into good storytelling.
Good storytelling isn't a dead end. That you're able to tell the story means there's more to this story than a bunch of dead ends.