I am so grateful for the way people showed up to help my family. We exceeded the fundraising goal within 24 hours. Just incredible. Asking for help like this is so uncomfortable for me, especially because I’ve had to do it before. But when your daughter comes to you, afraid about what’s happening and asks you to do what you can, letting shame and embarrassment win is not an option.
Your writing has been great recently, my dad went blind when I was in grade school from kidney failure, so we all prayed, my grandparents even went to St Padre Pio’s shrine in Italy and prayed for a miracle, it literally worked, the guy started seeing again, I remember him saying to me that he thought it was the new medicine he went on, but it was with kinda a twinkle in his eye, like he knew too, he was like,, ok, I get it, the prayer was answered
And thank you. I feel like I’ve tapped into something deep inside of me, the real part, the part that is in love with the wonder in the world even through all the heartbreak and loss, and I want to find ways to nurture it so it can really flourish.
I’m reticent to say it’s my “calling,” at this point, but it feels dang close.
Love you, brother. This essay really spoke to me. I’ve never had a fall as hard as yours, but I go through periods (like now) where I give into to despair and say F it all—my (second) marriage seems mostly like a failure. My children have real problems that I’ve either helped cause or am seemingly powerless to help. My pet sins over struggled with for years are as prevalent as ever. And God mostly doesn’t answer. But the world is still beautiful and “to whom shall we go?” as Peter said. Thank you for reminding me of that.
You said "When you can’t find the answers, sometimes you just have to keep working the problem from different angles" so I offer you these potentially alternative angles which struck me as I read your words:
"The only thing I can possibly see is that I'm being forced to find out who I really am"
--> Or who God really is.
"To what end? Why is this important enough for all this destruction?"
--> Re-ask that while visualizing Christ crucified. YOU are important enough for THAT destruction.
“You don’t know that God answered that prayer; that was people who did that. That was the goodness of other human beings.”
--> Where does the goodness of human beings come from? God is goodness itself. In Him we live and move and have our being (Acts 17:28). From Him and to Him and through Him are all things (Romans 11:36).
Some things I see no other angle for, I just agree with:
"I just can’t force it. I have to ride the waves. I have to get to the other side of this storm. Whatever is happening to me, it has to be earned. It can’t just be rushed."
Your writing has been great recently, my dad went blind when I was in grade school from kidney failure, so we all prayed, my grandparents even went to St Padre Pio’s shrine in Italy and prayed for a miracle, it literally worked, the guy started seeing again, I remember him saying to me that he thought it was the new medicine he went on, but it was with kinda a twinkle in his eye, like he knew too, he was like,, ok, I get it, the prayer was answered
That is so cool.
And thank you. I feel like I’ve tapped into something deep inside of me, the real part, the part that is in love with the wonder in the world even through all the heartbreak and loss, and I want to find ways to nurture it so it can really flourish.
I’m reticent to say it’s my “calling,” at this point, but it feels dang close.
Love you, brother. This essay really spoke to me. I’ve never had a fall as hard as yours, but I go through periods (like now) where I give into to despair and say F it all—my (second) marriage seems mostly like a failure. My children have real problems that I’ve either helped cause or am seemingly powerless to help. My pet sins over struggled with for years are as prevalent as ever. And God mostly doesn’t answer. But the world is still beautiful and “to whom shall we go?” as Peter said. Thank you for reminding me of that.
I swear we’re brothers from another mother. You sound so much like how I feel.
A quote I like, I think from Winston Churchill. “When you’re going through hell, keep going”
You said "When you can’t find the answers, sometimes you just have to keep working the problem from different angles" so I offer you these potentially alternative angles which struck me as I read your words:
"The only thing I can possibly see is that I'm being forced to find out who I really am"
--> Or who God really is.
"To what end? Why is this important enough for all this destruction?"
--> Re-ask that while visualizing Christ crucified. YOU are important enough for THAT destruction.
“You don’t know that God answered that prayer; that was people who did that. That was the goodness of other human beings.”
--> Where does the goodness of human beings come from? God is goodness itself. In Him we live and move and have our being (Acts 17:28). From Him and to Him and through Him are all things (Romans 11:36).
Some things I see no other angle for, I just agree with:
"I just can’t force it. I have to ride the waves. I have to get to the other side of this storm. Whatever is happening to me, it has to be earned. It can’t just be rushed."
--> Yes.
"not a furnace, but a forge"
--> Yes.
"the only way out is through"
--> Yes.