I came to the realization today, driving on the highway on the way back from bringing the kids to school, that my understanding of grief has been too shallow. The catalyst was nothing more significant than a song on the radio. It was a song about loss in familial relationships, and it triggered a domino effect of realizations that suddenly and unexpectedly overtook me. I felt my face involuntarily transform into a contorted mask, as tears began to flow. I found myself trying to blink my vision clear enough not to crash as I navigated traffic on my way home.
It really is strange how grief can well up inside of you and then, unexpectedly it bursts out of nowhere. When my dad died I couldn't cry for the longest time, I thought there was something wrong with me. I was walking around feeling numb, almost in a daze for more than half a year. Then that next summer this wave of grief hit me like a truck and I was sobbing at night quite a bit. Thank God nobody saw it, I was embarrassed and don't like crying in front of people.
I also find myself getting sad or choked up when I see my little nephews running around laughing and having a good time. I know it should be a joyous thing, but I can't help thinking that someday they are going to get hurt, something will happen. It crushes me, I don't want to be there on that day and I don't like saying this. I'm not sure what to make of that. Out of curiosity, what song did you hear on the radio that ignited this sorrow? ( I didn't want to use the word trigger, I hate it now.)
P.S. The NFC East is looking wild so far this season! One quarter of the way through and every team is a playoff contender except Washington. Huge test for your G-Men when they head to the not so frozen tundra this Sunday LOL. As always best wishes, peace out from central Cali.
Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. Am still excited for you, dear Steve. You are a wonder in progress. How lucky your wife and children to have you. God knows what He's about having placed you in this time in history with your own particular, unique set of trials and tribulations. Grief. It is indispensable to humility. Thank God He gives us, the prideful, a handful of sufferings so as to burnish the brass plate off of us and bring out the lustre of gold. You are gold dear fellow traveller.
My considerable wounds (foster kid, significant child abuse and neglect) have made me a person who can share the sufferings with others, I believe that there is no empathy without suffering. My Catholicism gives suffering meaning. Without the Cross, nothing makes sense. Your grief, and how you've dealt with it, your suffering, has made you a better man. God bless you, Steve.
"What is life but a never ending series of goodbyes". Life of Pi.
I have lost both of my parents as well as some friends. The loss of each hurt a lot. If we're going to love and care about people (and even pets) we have to be braced for the awful pain of grief. Even though I believe that those I have lost are alive in another "world", the fact that they're not here is hard on the spirit.
It really is strange how grief can well up inside of you and then, unexpectedly it bursts out of nowhere. When my dad died I couldn't cry for the longest time, I thought there was something wrong with me. I was walking around feeling numb, almost in a daze for more than half a year. Then that next summer this wave of grief hit me like a truck and I was sobbing at night quite a bit. Thank God nobody saw it, I was embarrassed and don't like crying in front of people.
I also find myself getting sad or choked up when I see my little nephews running around laughing and having a good time. I know it should be a joyous thing, but I can't help thinking that someday they are going to get hurt, something will happen. It crushes me, I don't want to be there on that day and I don't like saying this. I'm not sure what to make of that. Out of curiosity, what song did you hear on the radio that ignited this sorrow? ( I didn't want to use the word trigger, I hate it now.)
P.S. The NFC East is looking wild so far this season! One quarter of the way through and every team is a playoff contender except Washington. Huge test for your G-Men when they head to the not so frozen tundra this Sunday LOL. As always best wishes, peace out from central Cali.
Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. Am still excited for you, dear Steve. You are a wonder in progress. How lucky your wife and children to have you. God knows what He's about having placed you in this time in history with your own particular, unique set of trials and tribulations. Grief. It is indispensable to humility. Thank God He gives us, the prideful, a handful of sufferings so as to burnish the brass plate off of us and bring out the lustre of gold. You are gold dear fellow traveller.
My considerable wounds (foster kid, significant child abuse and neglect) have made me a person who can share the sufferings with others, I believe that there is no empathy without suffering. My Catholicism gives suffering meaning. Without the Cross, nothing makes sense. Your grief, and how you've dealt with it, your suffering, has made you a better man. God bless you, Steve.
A very good article, Steve!
Absolutely beautiful. I just love your heart; thank you for sharing it so freely.
F@%# you & God bless
"What is life but a never ending series of goodbyes". Life of Pi.
I have lost both of my parents as well as some friends. The loss of each hurt a lot. If we're going to love and care about people (and even pets) we have to be braced for the awful pain of grief. Even though I believe that those I have lost are alive in another "world", the fact that they're not here is hard on the spirit.