Thanks for this Steve. I'll tune in to his podcast tomorrow. Many of us baby boomers were traumatized by parents who did their very best but were themselves deeply traumatized by WW II and the depression. My dad saw a lot of action in the Pacific and my mom's parents divorced right before the Great Depression started. Both had a lot of wounds. As the saying goes "Those who are wounded, wound."
I think that we’re really only just starting to develop reliable scientific theories on the human brain. There was so much in the past that simply wasn’t understood, and parents did a ton of things that did massive damage to kids without having any idea of the consequences.
It can go too far in the other direction (thinking of Abigail Shrier’s new book) but I look around my own generation (Gen X) and see massive amounts of unresolved trauma. We just walk around with it not having any idea why we are the way we are.
I keep hearing that. I have it, but haven't gotten to it yet.
Although lots of people have been pushing back on the author because he's one of the pioneers of repressed memory theory. I absolutely think repressed memories are real, but there's a whole new anti-therapy push in general.
Other people can say what they like; therapy has saved my life.
I truly believe God led me to my current therapist. I picked her out of a list on MDLIVE; it turns out that she went to the same college that I did and she is a palliative care therapist with 13 other patients with the same connective tissue disease that I have.
I’ll tell you my spiritual director story some other time.
I have Mast Cell Activation Syndrome. It’s an immune system issue. I take H1/H2 blockers and some natural stabilizers.
This may be my leg up to a blog post; we’ll see.
Last week, my daughter and I watched Young Sheldon. It’s bonding time for us at The House of Autism. (Everyone except Mr Coffee has a diagnosis.) Sheldon’s dad died of a heart attack offscreen .
My dad died when I was 8. “Offscreen.” He had a massive heart attack. I remember when our neighbor picked us up from school.
Friday morning, I started a new medication. Within an hour, I was very ill. I was conscious and having idiopathic anaphylaxis. I racked up 42 minutes of Zone time loading the dishwasher . (Not normal)
My health is complicated. I have health care trauma (“You don’t look sick.” “You don’t have EDS.” Pardon me, but that’s not what my geneticist says.)
I also have family trauma. I won’t go into it here; let it suffice to say, I logged some time with Alanon.
I am looking back at this week. I don’t know how much of my reaction was stress(it can contribute) and how much was the new med change(I am reactive to so many things: antibiotics, Depakote, stress, and more).
In the long run, what my kids saw(which is very important to me in this long game called parenting people with autism) was me taking care of myself, setting boundaries, putting the oxygen mask on me first so that I can care for them. They will remember this.
Also, keep the Door Dash writing coming, I think more and more people are going to have to take advantage of gig economy for certain times, and your writing shows the way to do it with dignity
I’m thinking about doing some content targeted at others who want to learn how to do it. Not here. Probably a YouTube channel and maybe another different newsletter.
For anger management, try reading "Taming the Lion Within" by Ronda Chervin. Ronda was subject to one or more "meltdowns" within her family per day--and she'd also melt down in public, like when flights were cancelled for phony reasons and she had to be somewhere. I think one has to go back and love the child that was subject to abuse and "over-bearing religiosity." Re-parent yourself, in other words. That takes time. You can re-parent yourself as a child in the way you treat your own children.
I didn't have any of the type of abuse you're describing, but I'd say I encountered a lot of rejection (general audience and from within the family) in my life (and still do), only now, I've sort of checked out on what other people think of me. For one thing, I am intensely busy with work, and I also have very intense hobbies (as I sense you do--as a writer and painter).
Second, I've plugged into God. And God loves everyone tremendously, so it makes up for all the other stuff. One moment in His presence is worth more than all the other moments without Him. I wouldn't trade my life with ANYONE now. I'm not kidding. Why? Because I have an intense friendship with Jesus Christ, and it's not imaginary. How do I know that? You'll know, Steve, because one starts to get various types of feedback. Infused knowledge. Comfort. Counsel. Peace--so peaceful, it's hard to stay awake, or even move at times.
Now, does life still feel hard? Yes, because of overbusy-ness, and I think that is widespread. There are simply too many demands on one's times nowadays. Too many forms, too many requirements, too many tasks. Life got complicated. Yeah, love the digital age, but it sure can be taxing.
Thanks for this Steve. I'll tune in to his podcast tomorrow. Many of us baby boomers were traumatized by parents who did their very best but were themselves deeply traumatized by WW II and the depression. My dad saw a lot of action in the Pacific and my mom's parents divorced right before the Great Depression started. Both had a lot of wounds. As the saying goes "Those who are wounded, wound."
I think that we’re really only just starting to develop reliable scientific theories on the human brain. There was so much in the past that simply wasn’t understood, and parents did a ton of things that did massive damage to kids without having any idea of the consequences.
It can go too far in the other direction (thinking of Abigail Shrier’s new book) but I look around my own generation (Gen X) and see massive amounts of unresolved trauma. We just walk around with it not having any idea why we are the way we are.
The Body Keeps the Score is an excellent resource.
I keep hearing that. I have it, but haven't gotten to it yet.
Although lots of people have been pushing back on the author because he's one of the pioneers of repressed memory theory. I absolutely think repressed memories are real, but there's a whole new anti-therapy push in general.
Other people can say what they like; therapy has saved my life.
I truly believe God led me to my current therapist. I picked her out of a list on MDLIVE; it turns out that she went to the same college that I did and she is a palliative care therapist with 13 other patients with the same connective tissue disease that I have.
I’ll tell you my spiritual director story some other time.
Tacking on here…
I have Mast Cell Activation Syndrome. It’s an immune system issue. I take H1/H2 blockers and some natural stabilizers.
This may be my leg up to a blog post; we’ll see.
Last week, my daughter and I watched Young Sheldon. It’s bonding time for us at The House of Autism. (Everyone except Mr Coffee has a diagnosis.) Sheldon’s dad died of a heart attack offscreen .
My dad died when I was 8. “Offscreen.” He had a massive heart attack. I remember when our neighbor picked us up from school.
Friday morning, I started a new medication. Within an hour, I was very ill. I was conscious and having idiopathic anaphylaxis. I racked up 42 minutes of Zone time loading the dishwasher . (Not normal)
My health is complicated. I have health care trauma (“You don’t look sick.” “You don’t have EDS.” Pardon me, but that’s not what my geneticist says.)
I also have family trauma. I won’t go into it here; let it suffice to say, I logged some time with Alanon.
I am looking back at this week. I don’t know how much of my reaction was stress(it can contribute) and how much was the new med change(I am reactive to so many things: antibiotics, Depakote, stress, and more).
In the long run, what my kids saw(which is very important to me in this long game called parenting people with autism) was me taking care of myself, setting boundaries, putting the oxygen mask on me first so that I can care for them. They will remember this.
This comment is rich and deep. Thank you for sharing it here.
You’ve been putting out some great ones recently, had to come back to paid subscription
I enjoy the confessional type writing or immersion type writing, your really good at it
Also, keep the Door Dash writing coming, I think more and more people are going to have to take advantage of gig economy for certain times, and your writing shows the way to do it with dignity
I’m thinking about doing some content targeted at others who want to learn how to do it. Not here. Probably a YouTube channel and maybe another different newsletter.
For anger management, try reading "Taming the Lion Within" by Ronda Chervin. Ronda was subject to one or more "meltdowns" within her family per day--and she'd also melt down in public, like when flights were cancelled for phony reasons and she had to be somewhere. I think one has to go back and love the child that was subject to abuse and "over-bearing religiosity." Re-parent yourself, in other words. That takes time. You can re-parent yourself as a child in the way you treat your own children.
I didn't have any of the type of abuse you're describing, but I'd say I encountered a lot of rejection (general audience and from within the family) in my life (and still do), only now, I've sort of checked out on what other people think of me. For one thing, I am intensely busy with work, and I also have very intense hobbies (as I sense you do--as a writer and painter).
Second, I've plugged into God. And God loves everyone tremendously, so it makes up for all the other stuff. One moment in His presence is worth more than all the other moments without Him. I wouldn't trade my life with ANYONE now. I'm not kidding. Why? Because I have an intense friendship with Jesus Christ, and it's not imaginary. How do I know that? You'll know, Steve, because one starts to get various types of feedback. Infused knowledge. Comfort. Counsel. Peace--so peaceful, it's hard to stay awake, or even move at times.
Now, does life still feel hard? Yes, because of overbusy-ness, and I think that is widespread. There are simply too many demands on one's times nowadays. Too many forms, too many requirements, too many tasks. Life got complicated. Yeah, love the digital age, but it sure can be taxing.
Good luck, keep searching.