Wow. This ranks so high on my Steve-ometer, that I find my efforts to comment woefully inadequate. But you know me.
Here's the thing....
My Mom and Dad were married over 50 years. Not once did they argue in front of their 6 living children. Not once was there a disagreement, or any remote tremors on the force. Ever.
One would think this a remarkable event, a one on a million example.
It wasn't. Either Mom or Dad held in a great deal and by sheer will power, stayed the course until death. I know this because years later, after Dad died, while sharing my humiliating defeat of what I thought was going to be a good marriage, my Mom told me that she never had anyone she could talk to or any place she could go.
She told me that it's a 50-50 chance that you take. More often than not, you make the wrong choice.
It's been 25 years for me since my divorce due to abandonment. I spent years in theological scruples about remarrying, and never did. While my children are now adults, I wonder the same thing now about myself.
Steve, I really appreciate this. The C. S. Lewis quote at the top went into my commonplace book. I do not want a heart of stone; but what do I do with my heart if the person I gave it to has no use for it and threw it back? Terrifying and so sad to think of trying to love someone else; terrifying and so sad to think of never loving anyone else.
This Eliot poem is just so full of personally-relevant gems I couldn't include them all. So damn good:
"You say I am repeating
Something I have said before. I shall say it again.
Shall I say it again? In order to arrive there,
To arrive where you are, to get from where you are not,
You must go by a way wherein there is no ecstasy.
In order to arrive at what you do not know
You must go by a way which is the way of ignorance.
In order to possess what you do not possess
You must go by the way of dispossession.
In order to arrive at what you are not
You must go through the way in which you are not.
And what you do not know is the only thing you know
And what you own is what you do not own
And where you are is where you are not."
Dude, this slayed me.
Wow. This ranks so high on my Steve-ometer, that I find my efforts to comment woefully inadequate. But you know me.
Here's the thing....
My Mom and Dad were married over 50 years. Not once did they argue in front of their 6 living children. Not once was there a disagreement, or any remote tremors on the force. Ever.
One would think this a remarkable event, a one on a million example.
It wasn't. Either Mom or Dad held in a great deal and by sheer will power, stayed the course until death. I know this because years later, after Dad died, while sharing my humiliating defeat of what I thought was going to be a good marriage, my Mom told me that she never had anyone she could talk to or any place she could go.
She told me that it's a 50-50 chance that you take. More often than not, you make the wrong choice.
Hindsight is 20/20.
It's been 25 years for me since my divorce due to abandonment. I spent years in theological scruples about remarrying, and never did. While my children are now adults, I wonder the same thing now about myself.
Even unsure of how much of my former beliefs I might still someday rediscover as true, this haunts me.
I meant forever when I said it, and I didn't have conditions on that.
But I'm not sure we both did, and that's something.
One of your best yet....continue to move forward.
I'm really glad the visit with your parents went well. That has got to be such a relief, for you and for them.
Steve, I really appreciate this. The C. S. Lewis quote at the top went into my commonplace book. I do not want a heart of stone; but what do I do with my heart if the person I gave it to has no use for it and threw it back? Terrifying and so sad to think of trying to love someone else; terrifying and so sad to think of never loving anyone else.
I took this photo of some artistic grafiti on a wall in DC somewhere about a decade ago. And all it says is, “Love is Pain.”
Ain’t that the truth?