FWIW, I started working on this piece several weeks ago, before my post about it being time for a change in my life.
I rewrote parts of it several times, and yesterday I added the whole final section about Frankl and finding meaning in surviving deep suffering and surrendering to fate.
It began from a place of near-despair. It was finished as a piece from a place of surprising (to me) nascent hope.
But I'm aware that it's a roller coaster, so my optimism is tempered by the fact that you never know when grief is going to sneak up behind you and tackle you. I hope I struck the right balance.
The 50s was a tough decade for me. The energy slowing down. I had also been laid off at 49 from my job of many years and had to try to find a new job which eventually did but I didn't particularly like. I also gave up jogging in my 50s because the injuries were becoming more frequent and the benefits such as purported weight loss were disappearing. I said to someone when you're in your 50s you're too young to retire but too old to work. Now I know someone is going to come back and say their aunt or someone is 75 and is a fireball. Whatever.
I don't really fear death although I do think about it and what may come after. There are people who seem to know all about what comes after but I have no comprehension or concept of it. I suppose if the end were near and clear maybe I would feel differently. But right now it seems like the aging process is worse than death itself.
About that practice of the monks and the skulls, apparently they still do something like that on Mount Athos. I was reading an article and the abbot or whatever the Orthodox call them introduced the reporter to a pile of skulls. He picked one up and he said this is Brother Nicholas, or whatever the name was.
It is very hard and lonely, learning how to move through life without a Person. I am getting better at it, and you will too. I like the freedom and peace, though; as the amputation heals I can see and be thankful for the gifts in the new life.
Yep - or even better, to be quiet with a Person. The ultimate combination: companionable quiet. With no disrespect intended to my very good dog, there are still days where I'd give damn near anything to be both quiet and with a known human.
I wish I could even have a dog. On the days when I'm not working from home, I'm gone too long. I can't leave a buddy here for 8 hours or more, and there's no feasible way to bring one with me based on the logistics of shopping/delivering.
I've been doubling down on online work and this week I didn't have to do Instacart, so that's been nice. If it keeps up, I'll reconsider having at least a furry friend. I can't stand this feeling that I live in a lifeless tomb.
I'll just be frank about it, but you get more for the $90 at Dreher's than the $80 here ($60 for me). 5-6 articles a week. 300 comments in the combox for each article. But I'm hoping that will change here in the next few months. I'm not registered at Rod's site though. I spent all my discretionary funds here.
Rod is incredibly prolific, and writing is his main gig. He travels all the time, meets lots of interesting people, and is constantly refilling the idea well.
And I can't read everything he publishes. I can't keep up.
I spend 3 full days out of every week producing and promoting the podcast I do, which is growing fast. I still do 2-3 posts here per week. That's my cadence. If I can get to the point where I get to get out of the apartment more, I can write more.
But I will probably never write this the way he does. Rod's stack is truly a diary. He's riffing off of everything he reads and experiences and the people he talks to.
I write more lyrical prose, and those pieces take a long time and a lot out of me. They're deeply personal and confessional. And when I do more straightforward essays, they're more structured.
I've thought about emulating his style for some posts, but it doesn't come naturally to me yet.
My focus is on quality over quantity. I've never pretended to be able to produce something every day and feel like it's good enough to publish.
I find with your articles there is usually some kind of takeaway. I read Rod's free posts which appear to be generally less interesting than the paywalled ones and maybe 50/50 there might be something that interests me. Maybe a little more. Rod's block quote style gets some criticism. Such as on a certain Reddit thread that perhaps should go unmentioned. Sometimes, I just skim his post and go to the comments.
You do delve deeper into your personal matters than Rod does. He sets it up but then pulls the rug out before he gets to the heart of the matter. I think you do a good job of revealing what you can without compromising the privacy of others.
Rod has the big following and there isn't much you can do about that right now other than try to build up your own following.
Rod has his book business too. The last one appears to have been a dud. But the next one should sell pretty well. Writing about anything related to Nazi Germany always pays off.
As far as raising money fast, I think Fr. Z, I'm guessing you know who that is, has got you both beat. I think he is thinking of moving to Substack.
Okay, enough gossip from me. It's one of my vices and probably not a good one.
"We don’t want just anyone to embrace us, or sit down for a heart to heart. We want to be wanted, not merely tolerated."
I'm not like this. I'll gladly sit down with anyone for a heart to heart. I don't want to be wanted like you do. I would go on hikes alone - because whenever my wife went with me, there were inevitably issues. Small ones. But in the end, I could feel the beauty of nature more deeply when I didn't have to think about those small issues.
But look, Jesus not only said few will be able to enter, but he also said he is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. By following him, and his ways, you gain him, his life, and his truth.
John said, "Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love."
Many misquote this verse, but it is simply saying that if we are like Him in this world, if His love abides in us, then we have no reason to fear what comes after we die.
There are many mysteries to life. But we don't have to be ignorant when God has spoken so much to us.
My personality since I was very young was to prefer to do things by myself. But that doesn't mean I want to do everything alone, or that I don't enjoy being with others. It's just that I don't require it. I don't need people to want me.
For me, I asked God to bring me my wife, and I believe He did. My job is to love her as best I can, be good to her, provide for her, have children and grandchildren with her.
We've been married for nearly 44 years and I'm very glad I married my wife.
That's good but I'm going to take Steve's side here. You seem to attribute all the good things in your life to your brand of Christianity. But there are people who aren't Christian or religious at all and are happy with their lives. Can you explain this?
Are you referring to my mention of Jesus being the way the truth and the life? Life in that sense has to do with eternal life, not just being happy in this life.
I see a lot about people 'choosing' not to get married, 'choosing' not to have kids (it being implied they should 'choose' to do these things), choosing a college, choosing a career. Who says any of these things are 'chosen' by most people?
Steve -Just a suggestion. I'm sure you have heard it before but maybe you could consider holiday seasonal work. Maybe at a distribution center if one is near you. The good thing about seasonal work is that if it doesn't work out you aren't committed to the job. I don't think you're that famous that the blog would be big distraction. You could apply for one anyway and see what happens.
I make most of my money from writing, it’s just not enough to live on yet. The Podcast is now monetized, and it’s a slow trickle, but it’s growing. The rest of my time is spent working freelance projects (I’m doing a paid website project for a friend right now) and delivering groceries for Instacart. At around ~25/hour, it pays better than any retail job I’ve found, and gives me flexibility and autonomy. It just steals huge amounts of time and energy that needs to go into building the other things. I’ve got additional projects-for-pay in the works, I just have to take the time to develop them.
The advantage to retail or a fixed location is you don't have the expenses with delivery. But you are confined to a schedule and you have bosses. I guess both jobs have to deal with customers. It does sound like you have some kind of plan mapped out though. And you do have some formidable marketable technical skills.
It is a gig economy though and it doesn't care about your college degrees.
It sounds intriguing but meditation or prayer for that matter has always been very boring to me. How do you get started with Zen Buddhism without having to join a group or cult? Can you recommend a book or website?
Not really. It's not something you learn from books. It's more something you experience . I would recommend going to your nearest Zen Center. They usually have an iintro. class and people you can talk to. Notice, I said “center” not temple.
FWIW, I started working on this piece several weeks ago, before my post about it being time for a change in my life.
I rewrote parts of it several times, and yesterday I added the whole final section about Frankl and finding meaning in surviving deep suffering and surrendering to fate.
It began from a place of near-despair. It was finished as a piece from a place of surprising (to me) nascent hope.
But I'm aware that it's a roller coaster, so my optimism is tempered by the fact that you never know when grief is going to sneak up behind you and tackle you. I hope I struck the right balance.
The 50s was a tough decade for me. The energy slowing down. I had also been laid off at 49 from my job of many years and had to try to find a new job which eventually did but I didn't particularly like. I also gave up jogging in my 50s because the injuries were becoming more frequent and the benefits such as purported weight loss were disappearing. I said to someone when you're in your 50s you're too young to retire but too old to work. Now I know someone is going to come back and say their aunt or someone is 75 and is a fireball. Whatever.
I don't really fear death although I do think about it and what may come after. There are people who seem to know all about what comes after but I have no comprehension or concept of it. I suppose if the end were near and clear maybe I would feel differently. But right now it seems like the aging process is worse than death itself.
About that practice of the monks and the skulls, apparently they still do something like that on Mount Athos. I was reading an article and the abbot or whatever the Orthodox call them introduced the reporter to a pile of skulls. He picked one up and he said this is Brother Nicholas, or whatever the name was.
It is very hard and lonely, learning how to move through life without a Person. I am getting better at it, and you will too. I like the freedom and peace, though; as the amputation heals I can see and be thankful for the gifts in the new life.
The freedom and peace are real. I've learned to enjoy them. I'm weathering solitude better than I ever previously thought I could.
But there comes a point almost every day where I'm like, "OK, enough of that. It's too quiet here and I need someone to hang out with."
Yep - or even better, to be quiet with a Person. The ultimate combination: companionable quiet. With no disrespect intended to my very good dog, there are still days where I'd give damn near anything to be both quiet and with a known human.
I wish I could even have a dog. On the days when I'm not working from home, I'm gone too long. I can't leave a buddy here for 8 hours or more, and there's no feasible way to bring one with me based on the logistics of shopping/delivering.
I've been doubling down on online work and this week I didn't have to do Instacart, so that's been nice. If it keeps up, I'll reconsider having at least a furry friend. I can't stand this feeling that I live in a lifeless tomb.
Sorry, I meant to post on Rod Dreher's substack...
I'll just be frank about it, but you get more for the $90 at Dreher's than the $80 here ($60 for me). 5-6 articles a week. 300 comments in the combox for each article. But I'm hoping that will change here in the next few months. I'm not registered at Rod's site though. I spent all my discretionary funds here.
Rod is incredibly prolific, and writing is his main gig. He travels all the time, meets lots of interesting people, and is constantly refilling the idea well.
And I can't read everything he publishes. I can't keep up.
I spend 3 full days out of every week producing and promoting the podcast I do, which is growing fast. I still do 2-3 posts here per week. That's my cadence. If I can get to the point where I get to get out of the apartment more, I can write more.
But I will probably never write this the way he does. Rod's stack is truly a diary. He's riffing off of everything he reads and experiences and the people he talks to.
I write more lyrical prose, and those pieces take a long time and a lot out of me. They're deeply personal and confessional. And when I do more straightforward essays, they're more structured.
I've thought about emulating his style for some posts, but it doesn't come naturally to me yet.
My focus is on quality over quantity. I've never pretended to be able to produce something every day and feel like it's good enough to publish.
I find with your articles there is usually some kind of takeaway. I read Rod's free posts which appear to be generally less interesting than the paywalled ones and maybe 50/50 there might be something that interests me. Maybe a little more. Rod's block quote style gets some criticism. Such as on a certain Reddit thread that perhaps should go unmentioned. Sometimes, I just skim his post and go to the comments.
You do delve deeper into your personal matters than Rod does. He sets it up but then pulls the rug out before he gets to the heart of the matter. I think you do a good job of revealing what you can without compromising the privacy of others.
Rod has the big following and there isn't much you can do about that right now other than try to build up your own following.
Rod has his book business too. The last one appears to have been a dud. But the next one should sell pretty well. Writing about anything related to Nazi Germany always pays off.
As far as raising money fast, I think Fr. Z, I'm guessing you know who that is, has got you both beat. I think he is thinking of moving to Substack.
Okay, enough gossip from me. It's one of my vices and probably not a good one.
Thanks for the work that you are able to do.
And thankfully, I have a few discretionary funds to pass Steve's way every now and then. I have high hopes for Steve too.
Maybe I will be able to treat myself at a later date.
"We don’t want just anyone to embrace us, or sit down for a heart to heart. We want to be wanted, not merely tolerated."
I'm not like this. I'll gladly sit down with anyone for a heart to heart. I don't want to be wanted like you do. I would go on hikes alone - because whenever my wife went with me, there were inevitably issues. Small ones. But in the end, I could feel the beauty of nature more deeply when I didn't have to think about those small issues.
But look, Jesus not only said few will be able to enter, but he also said he is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. By following him, and his ways, you gain him, his life, and his truth.
John said, "Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love."
Many misquote this verse, but it is simply saying that if we are like Him in this world, if His love abides in us, then we have no reason to fear what comes after we die.
There are many mysteries to life. But we don't have to be ignorant when God has spoken so much to us.
Why get married if you prefer to be alone?
My personality since I was very young was to prefer to do things by myself. But that doesn't mean I want to do everything alone, or that I don't enjoy being with others. It's just that I don't require it. I don't need people to want me.
For me, I asked God to bring me my wife, and I believe He did. My job is to love her as best I can, be good to her, provide for her, have children and grandchildren with her.
We've been married for nearly 44 years and I'm very glad I married my wife.
And I have a new grandson as of last Wednesday!
That's good but I'm going to take Steve's side here. You seem to attribute all the good things in your life to your brand of Christianity. But there are people who aren't Christian or religious at all and are happy with their lives. Can you explain this?
Are you referring to my mention of Jesus being the way the truth and the life? Life in that sense has to do with eternal life, not just being happy in this life.
I see a lot about people 'choosing' not to get married, 'choosing' not to have kids (it being implied they should 'choose' to do these things), choosing a college, choosing a career. Who says any of these things are 'chosen' by most people?
I should have proof read that first. The first sentence should be "I see a lot about people [observing other people] 'choosing'...etc.
Steve -Just a suggestion. I'm sure you have heard it before but maybe you could consider holiday seasonal work. Maybe at a distribution center if one is near you. The good thing about seasonal work is that if it doesn't work out you aren't committed to the job. I don't think you're that famous that the blog would be big distraction. You could apply for one anyway and see what happens.
I make most of my money from writing, it’s just not enough to live on yet. The Podcast is now monetized, and it’s a slow trickle, but it’s growing. The rest of my time is spent working freelance projects (I’m doing a paid website project for a friend right now) and delivering groceries for Instacart. At around ~25/hour, it pays better than any retail job I’ve found, and gives me flexibility and autonomy. It just steals huge amounts of time and energy that needs to go into building the other things. I’ve got additional projects-for-pay in the works, I just have to take the time to develop them.
Thanks for the suggestion, though.
The advantage to retail or a fixed location is you don't have the expenses with delivery. But you are confined to a schedule and you have bosses. I guess both jobs have to deal with customers. It does sound like you have some kind of plan mapped out though. And you do have some formidable marketable technical skills.
It is a gig economy though and it doesn't care about your college degrees.
I didn't mean your college degree in particular I meant anyone's degree(s).
Practicing Zen Buddhism has helped me immensely. It's a practice more than a religion. It's not for everybody but just a suggestion to try out.
It sounds intriguing but meditation or prayer for that matter has always been very boring to me. How do you get started with Zen Buddhism without having to join a group or cult? Can you recommend a book or website?
Not really. It's not something you learn from books. It's more something you experience . I would recommend going to your nearest Zen Center. They usually have an iintro. class and people you can talk to. Notice, I said “center” not temple.