Late night now, I started reading, then scrolling, then blurring, then: "hee haw hee haw"!! I could hear those floorboard creaking - finished reading and then went back to the beginning to begin again. Excellent!!
I was waiting for a follow up on what you meant by your story. FWIW, here are the issues I found with it:
- "Next round of checks in 20 minutes. Twice every hour." This should have been "30" minutes.
- Babe Ruth career homes runs is 714, not 699.
- Why are the military satellites important? I thought at first that they had survived the "Carrington" event, but then the "orbital" security bots show up so it seems unnecessary.
- Why would military satellites broadcast out into space and not up/down from Earth?
- Why are humans needed to baby sit them? It looks like they serve only as bait to lure the NHI. But that seems pretty weak. Earth broadcasts would lure them.
- If the experiment is important, why is it so neglected?
- The story makes it seem easy for the elites to leave Earth, but it's quite hard to manufacture everything in space. They would still need lots of access to Earth for quite a while.
- It seems the Carrington Erasure event is significant, but there's very little indication of what it erased. Why wouldn't it have erased the orbital colonies more than Earth?
- How do the satellites gain access to Danny's conversation with his mother from years ago? No clue.
- Why that conversation? Why doesn't Grady have a conversation captured?
- The other broadcasts make sense from old Earth radio waves sent out in space, so the conversation with Danny's mom is an anomaly. Even if the NHI can capture that conversation, how do they get the ground station to reply back as little Danny? Are they effectively gods?
- How is the security team able to arrive so quickly? Why do they even care?
- Why to they terminate Danny and Grady? What's the point of doing that?
I know what it's like to write a sci-fi short story that has lots of holes in it. If you care to see my example, check out:
Daniel/Danny, Grady, and O'Malley are priests. What's left of their order. They've been tending machinery built before their time, going through motions, pinging the heavens, but never expecting a reply. Until finally, NHI arrives, having heard our broadcasts sent out so long ago.
The institution was never set up to hear from God. It was set up to hear from them. And once they've heard... the priests are no longer needed.
But will NHI coming "for you all" be good, or not? We aren't told.
The vigil these priests endured — and the answers they hungered for — comes through as something deeply personal. That's what makes it exceptional. Well done, Steve. Claude compliments you as well.
You’re a damn good writer Steve. I was locked in.
Thanks, Bob!
Late night now, I started reading, then scrolling, then blurring, then: "hee haw hee haw"!! I could hear those floorboard creaking - finished reading and then went back to the beginning to begin again. Excellent!!
Thank you!
I love the way you set the scene Steve. Reminds me of my experience working out of a mining camp. Solitude in routine.
Thank you!
Whoops! Meant to schedule this for tomorrow. Oh well, it's out now.
I wrote another short sci-fi story - about AI being used to push engagement on Substack. Here it is, if interested: https://ontheedgeofreality.substack.com/p/the-dave-show
I was waiting for a follow up on what you meant by your story. FWIW, here are the issues I found with it:
- "Next round of checks in 20 minutes. Twice every hour." This should have been "30" minutes.
- Babe Ruth career homes runs is 714, not 699.
- Why are the military satellites important? I thought at first that they had survived the "Carrington" event, but then the "orbital" security bots show up so it seems unnecessary.
- Why would military satellites broadcast out into space and not up/down from Earth?
- Why are humans needed to baby sit them? It looks like they serve only as bait to lure the NHI. But that seems pretty weak. Earth broadcasts would lure them.
- If the experiment is important, why is it so neglected?
- The story makes it seem easy for the elites to leave Earth, but it's quite hard to manufacture everything in space. They would still need lots of access to Earth for quite a while.
- It seems the Carrington Erasure event is significant, but there's very little indication of what it erased. Why wouldn't it have erased the orbital colonies more than Earth?
- How do the satellites gain access to Danny's conversation with his mother from years ago? No clue.
- Why that conversation? Why doesn't Grady have a conversation captured?
- The other broadcasts make sense from old Earth radio waves sent out in space, so the conversation with Danny's mom is an anomaly. Even if the NHI can capture that conversation, how do they get the ground station to reply back as little Danny? Are they effectively gods?
- How is the security team able to arrive so quickly? Why do they even care?
- Why to they terminate Danny and Grady? What's the point of doing that?
I know what it's like to write a sci-fi short story that has lots of holes in it. If you care to see my example, check out:
https://ontheedgeofreality.substack.com/p/the-fifth-messenger
It has an enigmatic ending as well.
Daniel/Danny, Grady, and O'Malley are priests. What's left of their order. They've been tending machinery built before their time, going through motions, pinging the heavens, but never expecting a reply. Until finally, NHI arrives, having heard our broadcasts sent out so long ago.
The institution was never set up to hear from God. It was set up to hear from them. And once they've heard... the priests are no longer needed.
But will NHI coming "for you all" be good, or not? We aren't told.
The vigil these priests endured — and the answers they hungered for — comes through as something deeply personal. That's what makes it exceptional. Well done, Steve. Claude compliments you as well.