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I apologize for getting behind on my travelogue writing.
The journey is winding down.
The entries that are left in this saga are switching from the externals of adventure to the internals of processing the next phase of my life and the pragmatic realities that will govern it. This complicates the writing a lot. I don’t yet know quite how to approach this phase.
If I’m being honest, I’m in a kind of limbo right now, and trying to find my way through it. Most nights I can’t fall asleep because that’s when it all hits me. I lie awake until 3 or 4AM, sometimes even later, anticipating what comes next. Alternating between trying to hype myself up and catastrophizing.
I don’t know how normal or healthy it’s been to process as much as I have out loud, to an audience, in real time, but it’s the only way I know. The writing captures the experiences and insights while they’re still fresh, and it lets me work through them in a way that feels a lot more sane than pure rumination.
I was working on figuring something out with one of the AI chatbots the other day and it called me a “forensic archeologist of meaning.”
Not gonna lie, it’s a great title. I need to put that on my business cards.
But for now, I’m kind of just resting, trying to stabilize within the chrysalis. I’m in a safe place with people who care about me, with a reasonable amount of stuff to do and human interaction, about a 1 day drive from home. And I’m sort of frozen, because I’m finding that I’m going through the whiplash of everything I left behind that has finally caught up with me now that I’ve stopped moving.
I originally planned to be back in Raleigh by now, but there are practical and personal considerations that have complicated this.
Not least is the fact that I need to find somewhere to live that I can afford. My writing is providing only about half the income I probably need, my credit stinks, and I can’t get consistent paying work (in addition to writing) until I get back. But I need to show income to get a place so I can work more. Classic Catch-22.
So if I may, I’d like to ask all of you gentle readers for just a little patience while I’m working through this stuff. I’m in a really intense sort of crucible moment right now, and it’s a battle. I’m trying to survive my own grief and fear and re-stabilize without the call of the adventure to keep me externally-focused. I want to finish the story of the trip itself as soon as possible, before I figure out how to transition back to more of the normal writing I do. Part of me is sad to leave the travel writing behind — it’s something I really enjoy, and so, it seems, do most of you. I actually don’t think the travel writing part of my new life is over, it’s just on hiatus for now. There will be more trips. There’s nothing to stop them from happening anymore.
But for the moment, I have to focus on the details of building a new life.
If any of you know someone in Raleigh who is renting a room, please let me know. What I’ve been finding so far is not great. I don’t need to get into the details of all that here. I find myself wishing I could find another mostly-empty rectory to rent a room in, because it’s been the best setup I’ve found, and mutually beneficial for both me and the priests I’ve been staying with. And I’ve started to appreciate having an in-house chapel I can pop into so I can ask existential questions to the God I’m not so sure about but can’t seem to ignore. Thing is, I don’t know any priests in Raleigh. Everything about that city is a black box. I haven’t lived there long enough to have built any connections.
Anyway, I’m rambling. I hope to continue the saga sometime in the next week.
Thanks for sticking with me, and for all your support! See you soon…
Anyone who has had major transitions, and/or who writes regularly, understands that writing happens largely (in those cases) largely when there is time and space for it to happen, and your time and space is very crammed right now. So please realize we understand and will look forward to seeing your essays pop up when they do pop up. But no one is taking roll. Wish I were in a position to help you with the living quarters.
I reached out to a church I know in Raleigh to see if they know of any rooms for rent. Thought I'd ask for you.
I don't know about that, but I do sense that God has big plans for you. Really. So I'm confident He'll open a door for you. Just keep knocking until it opens up. It will.