The first night without my kids under my roof just about killed me. I just tried to stay close by and be there for them as much as possible. The pain and bitterness has faded over time but it has changed my life permanently. My faith helped me immensely. I have good relationships with my kids now and even get to help with the grandkids. It’s easy to jump into another relationship to distract from the pain but it doesn’t really help that much in the long run. Hang in there brother.
"move on" is a lazy figure of speech we have all accepted as the norm. I choose "carry on". As Christ carried his cross, so must we. How do we do that? Surrender.
"Carry on my wayward son...there'll be peace when you are done".
I could go on and on like the stinking desert with platitudes and "advice" based on my situation which you well know. Your sorrow, your pain....it's yours and not one soul can say they know how it feels because they are not you. They know how it felt to them....and not one person is affected the same. Similarities, yes, but not over all.
That being said, you are re-living it over and over because it's what people do....this time last year....next month, you'll be re-living last July. IT TAKES TIME, MY DEAR FRIEND!!!
That is not what you want to hear, I know. And I'm sorry.
"You can feel stuck within a sense of duty to bear witness to the loss. Especially... if the loss was caused... because of a choice -- a choice you believe was wrong."
How you react to their choice is your choice. You can choose to be the "symbol of the injustice of the thing". Or you can choose something else. Not just to move on, or to ignore it. But to release it.
The plain answer is that you can't move on until you release the one who did the injustice. You can try and move on but the sorrow, the anger, the bitterness will just fester and eat you up both emotionally, and physically. And for what? Their injustice will live on hindering your life. Until you release it.
Releasing doesn't mean it "never meant that much to you". It means you won't let the pain of what means everything to you become your undoing.
They made a choice. You make a choice. Your choice shouldn't empower their choice to ruin you.
The first night without my kids under my roof just about killed me. I just tried to stay close by and be there for them as much as possible. The pain and bitterness has faded over time but it has changed my life permanently. My faith helped me immensely. I have good relationships with my kids now and even get to help with the grandkids. It’s easy to jump into another relationship to distract from the pain but it doesn’t really help that much in the long run. Hang in there brother.
First step for me was forgiving the ex. That was actually pretty easy because she had some issues that were beyond her control.
"move on" is a lazy figure of speech we have all accepted as the norm. I choose "carry on". As Christ carried his cross, so must we. How do we do that? Surrender.
"Carry on my wayward son...there'll be peace when you are done".
I could go on and on like the stinking desert with platitudes and "advice" based on my situation which you well know. Your sorrow, your pain....it's yours and not one soul can say they know how it feels because they are not you. They know how it felt to them....and not one person is affected the same. Similarities, yes, but not over all.
That being said, you are re-living it over and over because it's what people do....this time last year....next month, you'll be re-living last July. IT TAKES TIME, MY DEAR FRIEND!!!
That is not what you want to hear, I know. And I'm sorry.
"You can feel stuck within a sense of duty to bear witness to the loss. Especially... if the loss was caused... because of a choice -- a choice you believe was wrong."
How you react to their choice is your choice. You can choose to be the "symbol of the injustice of the thing". Or you can choose something else. Not just to move on, or to ignore it. But to release it.
The plain answer is that you can't move on until you release the one who did the injustice. You can try and move on but the sorrow, the anger, the bitterness will just fester and eat you up both emotionally, and physically. And for what? Their injustice will live on hindering your life. Until you release it.
Releasing doesn't mean it "never meant that much to you". It means you won't let the pain of what means everything to you become your undoing.
They made a choice. You make a choice. Your choice shouldn't empower their choice to ruin you.
Have you ever had to do this with something of paramount significance?