Hey folks, I am seeing your replies, but I'm in a very difficult state of mind right now where I'm trying to put all my energy into the work I need to do and even that's not going well.
The autistic burnout thing is real. I couldn't figure out why I kept going through this before. I've got to adapt to work with this somehow.
But the stress in my life at the moment is so high that it keeps me from having a chance to really recover lost energy. So I'm going to be more quiet in discussions like this one, because it's all just exhausting to me. I both want faith and hate it. I both want to believe in God if he's real and resent him if he is for never being there when I need him. For all the misplaced trust I've put in him. On the rollercoaster that is my life, I'm at the part where the thing goes underground through a dark tunnel for a bit.
I feel a need to retreat into abstraction for a while.
It seems to me that even if a "good" Pope ascends to the Chair of St. Peter, it won't restore the faith of so many who feel the same way about Francis as you. The fact that God allowed so much confusion and division in His own Church, at the expense of many faithful people only makes God look indifferent to it all. If something is objectively true, good, and beautiful, then I think it should be the one thing on Earth that everyone can recognize as such. If it requires an army of apologists to explain away a plethora of problems using mental gymnastics, then we have a big problem. And to be clear, this is not an endorsement of any Protestant theology or theodicy, that's a whole other wilderness of sectarian squabbling I don't want to deal with. I dunno man, I've been stuck in this spot for years, I feel like a broken record.
Not sure when this notion of a “personal relationship with Jesus” came on the Christian scene, but it never came out of the mouth of Jesus or even implied in any of the gospels, particularly not the earliest gospel of Mark where Jesus was mostly concerned with his apocalyptic message. He never said that he wanted to be our imaginary friend…or that that is what would “get a person to heaven.” At best it would be a communal relationship through shared worship. He was a Jew after all. FWIW, Jesus made it real simple…love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself. Most “Christians” are failing hard on both points, but particularly on the latter. So I wouldn’t worry too much about a lack of a “relationship.” It’s a modern notion that confuses people and to me belongs in Fantasyland.
But I think the idea of personal relationship comes out of what you said. "Love God with all your heart" isn't even possible if you don't have a relationship with him. Have you ever loved a perfect stranger whom you've never even seen?
Again, I still think it’s a modern “feel good” concept. Jews were taught and tried to love God with all their heart…and yet at the same time God was so high above man that the Jews could not speak or write his name. I know that Jesus said to call God “Abba”/father but I think it was more to show the goodness of God rather than his wrathfulness. No one has seen God except for those who lived during Jesus’ time and there weren’t but a couple dozen that got to have a “relationship” with him. LOL. Look, I’m not trying to preach because I have no personal relationship with Jesus, no longer Catholic, blah blah blah. I’m just saying I wouldn’t beat myself up over the notion of a personal relationship with Jesus. (Not that you are, that portion just struck me). To hedge my bets in case there is a Heaven I want to get into, I try to focus on the works of mercy because that is what Jesus said in the first gospel ever written will get folks into the kingdom of God. Not tithing, not going to the TLM, not going to mass every Sunday, not paying devotion to relics, or indulgences, or following any of the other man-made hocus-pocus I was indoctrinated with. Thanks for all of your sharing, Steve, I feel ya.
Why don't you read Hebrews 4:14-5:10, which talks about Jesus being the "heavenly high priest" for whom He intercedes constantly? Intercessory prayer is a fundamental act of relationship, whether you pray for somebody else or whether the "heavenly high priest" prays for you. Why don't you read the various references Paul makes about the holy Spirit living *inside* the believer? How can that happen if the Holy Spirit has no relationship with the believer?
Moreover, why don't you read what Jesus said about himself and his father in John 14:23: "Jesus replied, 'Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them.'" Can you really make a home with somebody you don't have a relationship with?
And what was that teaching? John 6:29: “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.” That was Jesus talking to a large crowd after he fed 5,000-plus.
This isn't a matter of having an "imaginary friend" or "living in Fantasyland." This is a matter of the supernatural presence of the Triune God within the believer. That's *impossible* unless there's some sort of *personal relationship* with that believer.
Well, you see, the problem with all of that is I no longer put much credence in the Bible. I have read all of those passages and done lots of biblical study both as a Catholic and on a more scholarly level. I don’t have much, if any, belief in quite a bit of it anymore, frankly. Particularly not John’s gospel, which was written too late for me to believe any of it is authentically the words or teachings of Jesus and not Paul who, to me, was the Joseph Smith of antiquity. Beautiful theology, but not rooted in the teachings of Jesus until the gospel of John made them so. So, no, despite those readings, I don’t believe a “relationship” is possible. Thank you, though. I appreciate your charity.
Steve, as a former Catholic myself, I find the prayers for a "happy death" for Francis or *any* prayers for him at all to be sentimental, nauseous, pseudo-legalism. I find him to be a fundamentally evil man. No other phrase but "evil" can describe a man who not only would try to make homosexually acceptable in the church but even allow a male drag dancer to perform in front of children!
No other phrase but "evil" would describe a man who -- as a globalist utopian tool -- values environmental sustainability and economic redistribution over anything having to do with God.
No other word but "evil" describes a man who ignores the plight of unborn children because he has an advisor who once wrote a book advocating abortion to limit world population growth.
No other phrase but "evil" would describe a man who uses desperate immigrants as a human shield to protect his political influence and financial interests (if you don't believe the latter, just look at how the USCCB is reacting to massive cuts in government support).
The Catholic morons who pray for Francis refuse to realize that neither Jesus nor his disciples prayed for Judas once that disciple turned his back on the Messiah. Francis is Judas. So are his sycophants in the hierarchy (especially in the United States). If I'm his, his (and their) eternal fate is certain.
I recall feeling similarly suspicious when he stepped onto the loggia.
I tried for several years to give him the benefit of the doubt due to mistranslations, misunderstandings due to his South American-ness, etc., but I recall the media fawning over his faux humility instantly.
When I saw how accepted he was by the globalist scum in the legacy media, I knew he was bad news, especially after watching that same media savage Pope Benedict at every turn.
I started and deleted a comment that wouldn't have been helpful. Your wife is wise. You can believe or believe in systems. But you can't trust them. Seems like you find trust in family. And at the family wedding you wrote about not long ago. Are you trustworthy? I don't have a good answer. I do have a hunch. Also have a hunch that you need some healing. That's all I got right now and I know it's not enough.
First, I found your essay (and the X post before it) deeply moving. Kudos for the courage it takes to be so open about all of this. From afar, I suspected long ago that you believed in the Catholic "system" way more than you believed in God/Christ. I think you recognizing that is a necessary first step for whatever comes next.
Second, have you ever considered that the answers to the prayers you have been offering for the past 7 years for God to help you out of this loss of faith may lie in that thing you hate reading so much--the Bible? My faith constantly teeters on the edge of the abyss, but I have found on several occasions over the years that when I was desperate for a response to prayer for some existential problem in my life, the answer was given to me by reading Scripture, even just opening to a random book, chapter and verse a couple of times. I know that sounds kooky, but it happened. What do you have to lose by trying it at this point? It seems to me it is hard to ever "know" the God of the Bible if one doesn't read the Bible, or at least try to grapple with it.
Anyway, you remain in my prayers (when I have the faith to offer them). If you ever feel called to pray, please add me any my family to your list.
Steve, he’s absolutely right. He’s absolutely right about believing in a theological and ecclesiastical system — whether Catholic or otherwise — as opposed to the person of Jesus Christ. At some point, you have to answer the question he asked his own disciples: “whom do you say that I am?” He asks that essentially of every human being, and nobody can provide an answer for you, least of all clerics, theologians, or ecclesiastical bureaucrats, who might not know the answer themselves.
I was wondering. When you look at nature, what do you see? Do you see the results of God‘s handiwork? Do you see the end result of an evolutionary process? Both? Neither? I’m not suggesting you embrace nature worship, or any sort of environmentalist extremism, much of which essentially borders on paganism. I’m suggesting maybe you should start there. I am also suggesting that you may have to work through a lot more emotional pain and detritus from abuse before you even start contemplating the answer about Jesus Christ. But at some point, even with the tremendous emotional burden you carry, the question has to be answered.
Also, when I say that clerics, theologians and ecclesiastical bureaucrats might not be able to provide an answer, I’m saying they might not believe themselves. When you look at Francis‘s papacy, do you see anything remotely Christian? I don’t. Not by a longshot. remember, Jesus himself, had to deal with such religious authorities in his own day.
I’m also saying that, regardless of what such people believe or don’t believe, ultimately you have to answer for yourself. We all do.
I see beauty. Mystery. Wonder. I see the result of processes I don't understand. A conspiracy of unlikely events across an unfathomable span of time.
Even when I wanted to give credit to the creator, back in those days, I never saw that as literal. Because he didn't carve out the grand canyon like a toddler on the beach, or sprinkle the heavens with stars like glitter. Nature is...natural. It's something that happened mostly on its own, even if it turns out not to have set itself in motion.
Am I moved by nature? Do I find it spiritual in some way? Yes, absolutely. I've written about this before:
Thanks for sharing all of this with us, Steve. I think that we, your well wishers, have no problem with you being more "quiet", and less involved in discussions here.
I feel like I need to drop this in this morning. Yesterday's Gospel was Luke's sermon on the plain. It closes with admonitions: don't judge and you won't be judged, the measure you use to measure out will be measured back to you. It speaks of how merciful love triumphs over oppressive system.
Tolle, lege. Personal relationship is not a feeling. It's first and foremost a decision. A commitment. You grow it by learning stories, sharing stories, making stories. This is what MacIntyre is after when he says that the unity of a human life is a narrative unity. If you're trying to find him in system, you're talking to , listening to a wall.
Put me down on the side of the morons and syncophants if you must, but tolle, lege. It has a pretty good track record.
How do you have a personal relationship with someone you've never met? Have never heard their voice, or seen their face, or know how they'd react to a joke?
How can a decision be tantamount to a personal relationship?
Here's my take. This is a story, not an argument. The Five Ways leave me cold. Stories are more of a 'take it or leave it' kind of thing. In the end Thomas left the Summa unfinished, called it all straw compared to his experience of God. I respect him and admire him and believe him for that more than for all the theological discourse. It rings true with me. Francis' experience of metanoia, leaving even his clothing as he walked off into a new life trusting solely on God, is striking and dramatic and a little bit nuts. It rings true to me. Kolbe's choice, seeing the agony of his brother, a family man terrified at the prospects of those he would leave behind, is a beautiful moment that rings deeply good and true and beautiful. I deeply admire this sacrifice and hold him up as a hero.
The scholastics had a concept of knowing on the personal level, heart speaking to heart, connaturality. This can't be syllogised. Post-Enligtenment rationalism can't account for it except as a non-rational value choice or preference. To which we should reply, You can't be serious! You can't find a home in the Euclidean/Newtonian world. You find a home with those you love. How do you know someone loves you? They trust you with a promise and commitment. This leads you to take the terrifying leap into tomorrow with a promise that can always be broken, sometimes take a hit and bounce back to restoration. So it all depends on that contingent promise and everything you do to prove that the promise is real. How can you know the promise will pan out? In one sense, you don't. In another sense, you hope and trust and keep going.
Bonaventure tells us God's fingerprints are all over creation and especially all over our hearts. Eckhart tells us that God plants the seed of his merciful love in our hearts. The difference between education and formation is germane here. And Steve, I grieve for you and all others who've experienced the horrible abuse of formation that twists its purpose away from what is true, good, beautiful, loving. Monsters did this, and this is what the millstone verse is all about. You have the benefit many lack, a partner in the school of Love who is faithful. From where I'm standing, that sure looks like a way back, in the daily stuff of life, the small and great sacrifices for each other that point the way to the Sacrifice that makes sense of everything, that frees us, saves us, makes us whole again that saves the world. I regularly pray for those who are broken and alone. I don't know if or how that might help them. As for me, my entire perspective changed and I found the start of the path to healing when I found the question, what if I really am where I'm supposed to be right now. What if I'm supposed to bloom where I'm planted? What if I need to get busy in doing the next best thing? You'll probably have a different question and I won't presume to walk all over your asking. I'll end this by noting that God communicated with Moses but never showed him his face. Moses knew God, walked with him, heard his voice but never saw God's face, the way how we humans ground our knowledge of another person. That's, I think, an important part of the story I continue to puzzle over. Deep, shalom peace!
Hey folks, I am seeing your replies, but I'm in a very difficult state of mind right now where I'm trying to put all my energy into the work I need to do and even that's not going well.
The autistic burnout thing is real. I couldn't figure out why I kept going through this before. I've got to adapt to work with this somehow.
But the stress in my life at the moment is so high that it keeps me from having a chance to really recover lost energy. So I'm going to be more quiet in discussions like this one, because it's all just exhausting to me. I both want faith and hate it. I both want to believe in God if he's real and resent him if he is for never being there when I need him. For all the misplaced trust I've put in him. On the rollercoaster that is my life, I'm at the part where the thing goes underground through a dark tunnel for a bit.
I feel a need to retreat into abstraction for a while.
Don’t worry. You are accountable far more to yourself and to your family than you are to your commenters. JD Vance was right about that.
It seems to me that even if a "good" Pope ascends to the Chair of St. Peter, it won't restore the faith of so many who feel the same way about Francis as you. The fact that God allowed so much confusion and division in His own Church, at the expense of many faithful people only makes God look indifferent to it all. If something is objectively true, good, and beautiful, then I think it should be the one thing on Earth that everyone can recognize as such. If it requires an army of apologists to explain away a plethora of problems using mental gymnastics, then we have a big problem. And to be clear, this is not an endorsement of any Protestant theology or theodicy, that's a whole other wilderness of sectarian squabbling I don't want to deal with. I dunno man, I've been stuck in this spot for years, I feel like a broken record.
Not sure when this notion of a “personal relationship with Jesus” came on the Christian scene, but it never came out of the mouth of Jesus or even implied in any of the gospels, particularly not the earliest gospel of Mark where Jesus was mostly concerned with his apocalyptic message. He never said that he wanted to be our imaginary friend…or that that is what would “get a person to heaven.” At best it would be a communal relationship through shared worship. He was a Jew after all. FWIW, Jesus made it real simple…love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself. Most “Christians” are failing hard on both points, but particularly on the latter. So I wouldn’t worry too much about a lack of a “relationship.” It’s a modern notion that confuses people and to me belongs in Fantasyland.
But I think the idea of personal relationship comes out of what you said. "Love God with all your heart" isn't even possible if you don't have a relationship with him. Have you ever loved a perfect stranger whom you've never even seen?
Again, I still think it’s a modern “feel good” concept. Jews were taught and tried to love God with all their heart…and yet at the same time God was so high above man that the Jews could not speak or write his name. I know that Jesus said to call God “Abba”/father but I think it was more to show the goodness of God rather than his wrathfulness. No one has seen God except for those who lived during Jesus’ time and there weren’t but a couple dozen that got to have a “relationship” with him. LOL. Look, I’m not trying to preach because I have no personal relationship with Jesus, no longer Catholic, blah blah blah. I’m just saying I wouldn’t beat myself up over the notion of a personal relationship with Jesus. (Not that you are, that portion just struck me). To hedge my bets in case there is a Heaven I want to get into, I try to focus on the works of mercy because that is what Jesus said in the first gospel ever written will get folks into the kingdom of God. Not tithing, not going to the TLM, not going to mass every Sunday, not paying devotion to relics, or indulgences, or following any of the other man-made hocus-pocus I was indoctrinated with. Thanks for all of your sharing, Steve, I feel ya.
Why would Paul, who wrote the passage you cite about "abba," use such an endearing term if a genuine, legitimate relationship wasn't possible?
Why don't you read Hebrews 4:14-5:10, which talks about Jesus being the "heavenly high priest" for whom He intercedes constantly? Intercessory prayer is a fundamental act of relationship, whether you pray for somebody else or whether the "heavenly high priest" prays for you. Why don't you read the various references Paul makes about the holy Spirit living *inside* the believer? How can that happen if the Holy Spirit has no relationship with the believer?
Moreover, why don't you read what Jesus said about himself and his father in John 14:23: "Jesus replied, 'Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them.'" Can you really make a home with somebody you don't have a relationship with?
And what was that teaching? John 6:29: “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.” That was Jesus talking to a large crowd after he fed 5,000-plus.
This isn't a matter of having an "imaginary friend" or "living in Fantasyland." This is a matter of the supernatural presence of the Triune God within the believer. That's *impossible* unless there's some sort of *personal relationship* with that believer.
Well, you see, the problem with all of that is I no longer put much credence in the Bible. I have read all of those passages and done lots of biblical study both as a Catholic and on a more scholarly level. I don’t have much, if any, belief in quite a bit of it anymore, frankly. Particularly not John’s gospel, which was written too late for me to believe any of it is authentically the words or teachings of Jesus and not Paul who, to me, was the Joseph Smith of antiquity. Beautiful theology, but not rooted in the teachings of Jesus until the gospel of John made them so. So, no, despite those readings, I don’t believe a “relationship” is possible. Thank you, though. I appreciate your charity.
Steve, as a former Catholic myself, I find the prayers for a "happy death" for Francis or *any* prayers for him at all to be sentimental, nauseous, pseudo-legalism. I find him to be a fundamentally evil man. No other phrase but "evil" can describe a man who not only would try to make homosexually acceptable in the church but even allow a male drag dancer to perform in front of children!
No other phrase but "evil" would describe a man who -- as a globalist utopian tool -- values environmental sustainability and economic redistribution over anything having to do with God.
No other word but "evil" describes a man who ignores the plight of unborn children because he has an advisor who once wrote a book advocating abortion to limit world population growth.
No other phrase but "evil" would describe a man who uses desperate immigrants as a human shield to protect his political influence and financial interests (if you don't believe the latter, just look at how the USCCB is reacting to massive cuts in government support).
The Catholic morons who pray for Francis refuse to realize that neither Jesus nor his disciples prayed for Judas once that disciple turned his back on the Messiah. Francis is Judas. So are his sycophants in the hierarchy (especially in the United States). If I'm his, his (and their) eternal fate is certain.
I to felt something is wrong when Bergolio stepped onto that Balcony. Hang in there Steve!
I recall feeling similarly suspicious when he stepped onto the loggia.
I tried for several years to give him the benefit of the doubt due to mistranslations, misunderstandings due to his South American-ness, etc., but I recall the media fawning over his faux humility instantly.
When I saw how accepted he was by the globalist scum in the legacy media, I knew he was bad news, especially after watching that same media savage Pope Benedict at every turn.
I started and deleted a comment that wouldn't have been helpful. Your wife is wise. You can believe or believe in systems. But you can't trust them. Seems like you find trust in family. And at the family wedding you wrote about not long ago. Are you trustworthy? I don't have a good answer. I do have a hunch. Also have a hunch that you need some healing. That's all I got right now and I know it's not enough.
Steve,
First, I found your essay (and the X post before it) deeply moving. Kudos for the courage it takes to be so open about all of this. From afar, I suspected long ago that you believed in the Catholic "system" way more than you believed in God/Christ. I think you recognizing that is a necessary first step for whatever comes next.
Second, have you ever considered that the answers to the prayers you have been offering for the past 7 years for God to help you out of this loss of faith may lie in that thing you hate reading so much--the Bible? My faith constantly teeters on the edge of the abyss, but I have found on several occasions over the years that when I was desperate for a response to prayer for some existential problem in my life, the answer was given to me by reading Scripture, even just opening to a random book, chapter and verse a couple of times. I know that sounds kooky, but it happened. What do you have to lose by trying it at this point? It seems to me it is hard to ever "know" the God of the Bible if one doesn't read the Bible, or at least try to grapple with it.
Anyway, you remain in my prayers (when I have the faith to offer them). If you ever feel called to pray, please add me any my family to your list.
God bless
Steve, he’s absolutely right. He’s absolutely right about believing in a theological and ecclesiastical system — whether Catholic or otherwise — as opposed to the person of Jesus Christ. At some point, you have to answer the question he asked his own disciples: “whom do you say that I am?” He asks that essentially of every human being, and nobody can provide an answer for you, least of all clerics, theologians, or ecclesiastical bureaucrats, who might not know the answer themselves.
The fact that nobody can provide that answer and that it's entirely unclear to me that there even is an answer is the problem I have.
Other people find God everywhere. I can't find him anywhere.
I was wondering. When you look at nature, what do you see? Do you see the results of God‘s handiwork? Do you see the end result of an evolutionary process? Both? Neither? I’m not suggesting you embrace nature worship, or any sort of environmentalist extremism, much of which essentially borders on paganism. I’m suggesting maybe you should start there. I am also suggesting that you may have to work through a lot more emotional pain and detritus from abuse before you even start contemplating the answer about Jesus Christ. But at some point, even with the tremendous emotional burden you carry, the question has to be answered.
Also, when I say that clerics, theologians and ecclesiastical bureaucrats might not be able to provide an answer, I’m saying they might not believe themselves. When you look at Francis‘s papacy, do you see anything remotely Christian? I don’t. Not by a longshot. remember, Jesus himself, had to deal with such religious authorities in his own day.
I’m also saying that, regardless of what such people believe or don’t believe, ultimately you have to answer for yourself. We all do.
I see beauty. Mystery. Wonder. I see the result of processes I don't understand. A conspiracy of unlikely events across an unfathomable span of time.
Even when I wanted to give credit to the creator, back in those days, I never saw that as literal. Because he didn't carve out the grand canyon like a toddler on the beach, or sprinkle the heavens with stars like glitter. Nature is...natural. It's something that happened mostly on its own, even if it turns out not to have set itself in motion.
Am I moved by nature? Do I find it spiritual in some way? Yes, absolutely. I've written about this before:
https://skojecfile.steveskojec.com/p/arbitrary-sacred-places
Thanks for sharing all of this with us, Steve. I think that we, your well wishers, have no problem with you being more "quiet", and less involved in discussions here.
I feel like I need to drop this in this morning. Yesterday's Gospel was Luke's sermon on the plain. It closes with admonitions: don't judge and you won't be judged, the measure you use to measure out will be measured back to you. It speaks of how merciful love triumphs over oppressive system.
Tolle, lege. Personal relationship is not a feeling. It's first and foremost a decision. A commitment. You grow it by learning stories, sharing stories, making stories. This is what MacIntyre is after when he says that the unity of a human life is a narrative unity. If you're trying to find him in system, you're talking to , listening to a wall.
Put me down on the side of the morons and syncophants if you must, but tolle, lege. It has a pretty good track record.
How do you have a personal relationship with someone you've never met? Have never heard their voice, or seen their face, or know how they'd react to a joke?
How can a decision be tantamount to a personal relationship?
Here's my take. This is a story, not an argument. The Five Ways leave me cold. Stories are more of a 'take it or leave it' kind of thing. In the end Thomas left the Summa unfinished, called it all straw compared to his experience of God. I respect him and admire him and believe him for that more than for all the theological discourse. It rings true with me. Francis' experience of metanoia, leaving even his clothing as he walked off into a new life trusting solely on God, is striking and dramatic and a little bit nuts. It rings true to me. Kolbe's choice, seeing the agony of his brother, a family man terrified at the prospects of those he would leave behind, is a beautiful moment that rings deeply good and true and beautiful. I deeply admire this sacrifice and hold him up as a hero.
The scholastics had a concept of knowing on the personal level, heart speaking to heart, connaturality. This can't be syllogised. Post-Enligtenment rationalism can't account for it except as a non-rational value choice or preference. To which we should reply, You can't be serious! You can't find a home in the Euclidean/Newtonian world. You find a home with those you love. How do you know someone loves you? They trust you with a promise and commitment. This leads you to take the terrifying leap into tomorrow with a promise that can always be broken, sometimes take a hit and bounce back to restoration. So it all depends on that contingent promise and everything you do to prove that the promise is real. How can you know the promise will pan out? In one sense, you don't. In another sense, you hope and trust and keep going.
Bonaventure tells us God's fingerprints are all over creation and especially all over our hearts. Eckhart tells us that God plants the seed of his merciful love in our hearts. The difference between education and formation is germane here. And Steve, I grieve for you and all others who've experienced the horrible abuse of formation that twists its purpose away from what is true, good, beautiful, loving. Monsters did this, and this is what the millstone verse is all about. You have the benefit many lack, a partner in the school of Love who is faithful. From where I'm standing, that sure looks like a way back, in the daily stuff of life, the small and great sacrifices for each other that point the way to the Sacrifice that makes sense of everything, that frees us, saves us, makes us whole again that saves the world. I regularly pray for those who are broken and alone. I don't know if or how that might help them. As for me, my entire perspective changed and I found the start of the path to healing when I found the question, what if I really am where I'm supposed to be right now. What if I'm supposed to bloom where I'm planted? What if I need to get busy in doing the next best thing? You'll probably have a different question and I won't presume to walk all over your asking. I'll end this by noting that God communicated with Moses but never showed him his face. Moses knew God, walked with him, heard his voice but never saw God's face, the way how we humans ground our knowledge of another person. That's, I think, an important part of the story I continue to puzzle over. Deep, shalom peace!