Steve, great post, and thanks for taking the time to write it; I can empathize. I think one of the underrated aspects of our faith (and religion as a whole in general) is to provide meaning to one's existence and answer life's 'big questions.' When and if that beam starts to give, when you've gone all in, it can lead to a real crisis of meaning in the particular realm of faith. I think that is what attracted me--not as a devotee, but a curious observer--to Christian existentialism (Kierkegaard et al) because it seeks to answer that question not in pat objectivity, but savage and ruthless subjectivity where you are the only one standing on the choices you have made, either for or against faith (the quintessential 'leap to faith' where you have no safety net). The other side of the existentialist coin is absurdism a la Camus, Kafka, etc, which seeks the same objective to answer the question of meaning, but comes to the conclusion that there is none. I think our faith falls somewhere in between these two extremes of radical subjectivism for and sans meaning. But that's not what you are writing about here (I don't think at least). I'm going through something similar in terms of career and place/state in life (maybe it's a 40's/midlife thing), those humanist questions of 'what gives my life meaning?' and 'what am I supposed to be DOING with my life?' The thing I admire about you is you did go all in with 1P5, something I could never do, but it's a high-risk/high-reward endeavor that could go either way, as with all entrepreneurial undertakings. But it melds your faith life and your personal life and that's a tough rope to walk. At least I have the luxury of working a job I don't mind and my faith life being separate from it, so my words might not mean much. But as a Catholic trying to live by faith, what I often forget is the elusive quest for meaning comes down to "am I doing God's will; ie, am I doing what I am called to do in this moment" as a sojourner-servant on borrowed time with only one shot in this life to get it right. So, at the risk of spiritualizing, through the lens of faith, my life is only 'wasted' if I am not accomplishing that task set before me, whatever it might be and however menial or mundane; and I am only ultimately 'fulfilled' to the extent that what I am doing aligns with that. I think you only tune in to those tasks and what is required of you through prayer, and when I'm off kilter and neglect that (like these days, it seems), it's when I fail to fulfill my purpose because, quite simply, I'm not listening and I don't know what it is. Two simple books that have really driven this home for me is St. Alphonsus' 'Uniformity With God's Will' and Jean Pierre de Caussade's 'Abandonment To Divine Providence.' It's like in a depression, where the things most counter to what you are feeling are the most beneficial: exercise (when you are lethargic and can't get off the couch), and serving others (getting out of your self). But it takes a lot to take that medicine, because everything in you in that moment is antithetical to what will actually help. The more I tend to obsess about 'getting better,' the deeper a hole I dig; the same goes for the exclusivity of fulfillment, at least when it's about what will satisfy me in this life rather than serving God in the way He is calling me in the moment. And I suppose you only get to that point of knowing what God's will is for you moment by moment through prayer and spending time/checking in with Him to avoid the Chinese finger-trap of self-fulfillment. Maybe this is what the Lord means when He says that those who seek their life will lose it, and those who lose it will find it. Anyway, thanks again, and sorry for the rant. Looking forward to part 2.
Thanks so much, Vincent! Honestly, I was hoping to get part two done today, but something else came up. It hopefully won't be long before I can finish it.
I am looking forward to reading what you found. I think you're doing great, but hey, I'm biased I guess.
Sounds good, Joe, thanks!
This hit me hard, Steve. I appreciate your honesty
I think a lot of us are going to look back at 2020 and thank God for the revelation.
Steve, great post, and thanks for taking the time to write it; I can empathize. I think one of the underrated aspects of our faith (and religion as a whole in general) is to provide meaning to one's existence and answer life's 'big questions.' When and if that beam starts to give, when you've gone all in, it can lead to a real crisis of meaning in the particular realm of faith. I think that is what attracted me--not as a devotee, but a curious observer--to Christian existentialism (Kierkegaard et al) because it seeks to answer that question not in pat objectivity, but savage and ruthless subjectivity where you are the only one standing on the choices you have made, either for or against faith (the quintessential 'leap to faith' where you have no safety net). The other side of the existentialist coin is absurdism a la Camus, Kafka, etc, which seeks the same objective to answer the question of meaning, but comes to the conclusion that there is none. I think our faith falls somewhere in between these two extremes of radical subjectivism for and sans meaning. But that's not what you are writing about here (I don't think at least). I'm going through something similar in terms of career and place/state in life (maybe it's a 40's/midlife thing), those humanist questions of 'what gives my life meaning?' and 'what am I supposed to be DOING with my life?' The thing I admire about you is you did go all in with 1P5, something I could never do, but it's a high-risk/high-reward endeavor that could go either way, as with all entrepreneurial undertakings. But it melds your faith life and your personal life and that's a tough rope to walk. At least I have the luxury of working a job I don't mind and my faith life being separate from it, so my words might not mean much. But as a Catholic trying to live by faith, what I often forget is the elusive quest for meaning comes down to "am I doing God's will; ie, am I doing what I am called to do in this moment" as a sojourner-servant on borrowed time with only one shot in this life to get it right. So, at the risk of spiritualizing, through the lens of faith, my life is only 'wasted' if I am not accomplishing that task set before me, whatever it might be and however menial or mundane; and I am only ultimately 'fulfilled' to the extent that what I am doing aligns with that. I think you only tune in to those tasks and what is required of you through prayer, and when I'm off kilter and neglect that (like these days, it seems), it's when I fail to fulfill my purpose because, quite simply, I'm not listening and I don't know what it is. Two simple books that have really driven this home for me is St. Alphonsus' 'Uniformity With God's Will' and Jean Pierre de Caussade's 'Abandonment To Divine Providence.' It's like in a depression, where the things most counter to what you are feeling are the most beneficial: exercise (when you are lethargic and can't get off the couch), and serving others (getting out of your self). But it takes a lot to take that medicine, because everything in you in that moment is antithetical to what will actually help. The more I tend to obsess about 'getting better,' the deeper a hole I dig; the same goes for the exclusivity of fulfillment, at least when it's about what will satisfy me in this life rather than serving God in the way He is calling me in the moment. And I suppose you only get to that point of knowing what God's will is for you moment by moment through prayer and spending time/checking in with Him to avoid the Chinese finger-trap of self-fulfillment. Maybe this is what the Lord means when He says that those who seek their life will lose it, and those who lose it will find it. Anyway, thanks again, and sorry for the rant. Looking forward to part 2.
Good grief Skojec, how about you don’t leave us with cliffhangers like that?
Really well written - there’s something about the way you write which is enthralling.
Thanks so much, Vincent! Honestly, I was hoping to get part two done today, but something else came up. It hopefully won't be long before I can finish it.