The Reason for the Road Trip

I'm afraid I was a little unclear.

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By the time I received a second concerned message, I realized I must be more off-kilter than I thought.

I tried to explain things clearly in my recent posts, but when I went back, I saw that I’d either unintentionally left things out, or just explained them poorly enough that they could be misinterpreted.

I gut-checked my reasoning with the friends I’m staying with, and they assured me I wasn’t being flaky. So I’m going to take one last crack at clearing things up, and then turn the page.

From the moment I knew separation from my wife was likely — months ago — we discussed the idea of me taking a trip to get some space and distance for a little while. In fact, she was the one who suggested that I travel for a bit and write while doing so. I’ve been so creatively limited since stepping down from 1P5 in 2021, it seemed like it might just be the thing to help me break through the block.

But things kept getting in the way of me actually executing that plan, and the longer I stayed, the worse things between us got.

The time apart is for both of us. We couldn’t stop tripping over each other’s wounds.

When I finally wrote about what was happening, I mentioned that I thought I would try van life for a while. The reason (which was in my original, much longer draft, but was unintentionally cut from the final version) was because I knew that I couldn’t reasonably stay with just 1 or 2 friends for as long as I needed, and because I needed to stretch my legs and my mind and take in some different scenery. Sometimes you’ve got to mix things up and break your normal routine to get a new perspective on a life that has gone sideways.

But it was always about resetting perspective. It was never about leaving for good.

Some folks seem to have gotten the idea since my last update that I was planning to be away from my kids indefinitely, and were justifiably concerned.

Let me be clear: this is not the case, and I apologize for not doing a better job of communicating that.

I just need a few weeks. The idea was to de-escalate, get out of dodge, take in some different views, breathe some fresh air, let friendship and nature do their work, and get focused on problem solving what comes next.