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This may be one of the more timely and important things you've written. I enjoy everything you write. But this needed to said. And you said it beautifully. This should be talked about more widely. Thank you for starting the conversation.
Steve, you so often state what is in my heart but in ways I can never express as well as you. I know the damage I did to my kids who thankfully are still in their early twenties and we have cried together and I sincerely apologized to each of them not listening…for trying to make them be holy … and why? To please my family. Two of my three daughters engaged in quite a bit of self harm in their teens, and while I did try to love them through it, I went about all wrong. I always harped on prayer, essentially solidifying in their minds that they just weren’t being good enough and hence, more pain was heaped on them. I regret that I wasn’t more courageous, brave enough to follow my heart back then to say to hell with holiness and really listen and be there for them to help them work through their pain. Pain I had also caused through divorce. None of them went to church the minute they left home. For a while I thought it hurt me. That I hadn’t been a good enough example to them, but now that I have gone through years of soul searching and study and come to my senses and left the church and religion all together, we are all navigating life together. Closer than ever. And I would not have it any other way. They are my NOW, my purpose. I can only hope that the mistakes I made will be rectified. I feel like they are starting to be. Rituals and apostolates are never a substitute for pure and honest love and care and concern. If there is a God, I hope he recognizes that I am finally now trying to truly love and so are they. Thank you for being such a great writer and allowing me a forum to say the things that are in my heart.
Steve, thank you for sharing this. You gave an insight into your painful experiences with these topics in a way that resonates, and I’ve been musing on it for hours. More people need to hear this, and understand.
I believe we often forget that the sabbath was made for man, not man for the sabbath.
People are meant to be valued for themselves, but instead they are often treated merely as vehicles for right belief and right behavior. Obey. Comply. Avoid punishment. It doesn’t matter if you’re screaming inside. The rules ands rituals are what matter in certain minds, and you almost get the impression that they believe we were created for their sake, rather than them being created for ours.
It’s particularly heartbreaking when this comes at the hands of those nearest to us, whose validation and unconditional love we need the most. There really is no wound as searing as the feeling of being unloved. And there’s no wound we inflict on one another as casually, or with such smug self-satisfaction.
Thank you for your courage in sharing this. You are a gifted writer, and I will genuinely be praying that you find healing and peace from the splinters that have been lodged in your soul (yes, I read that post too 🙂).
What you say is sadly all too true. I've seen many instances of making an idol of religion among my friends and fellow parishioners. I've been guilty of it myself. Looking at the negative influences on my own life, I am now more attentive to the dangers of the temptation to idolatry and how it can impact my family. I hope I am doing the right things. Time will tell.
I've noticed there are large numbers of people deconstructing, and ultimately de-converting from across all denominations of Christianity. Their stories are all fascinating, and yet, they all seem eerily similar. So many people are raised in environments where they are forced or pressured to believe in things that just don't make sense. I watch the Harmonic Atheist YouTube channel, where the Host Tim Mills interviews various people from different churches, and allows them to tell their story and how gut wrenching loss of faith is. As a guy who struggles with faith mightily, I think I honestly resonate with non-believers better than with people who "are on fire for Jesus." If the God you believe in is silent and hidden, it's very hard to love Him. And frankly, it can be annoying when you're around people who claim they get messages from God, while your prayers vanish into the ceiling .
If there is no God, then why practice religion? Steve, you wrote "since God is perceptually absent/distant/nonexistent..." right there, haven't you assumed God away? Then what am I to make of Jesus Christ, St. Paul, St. Augustine, Padre Pio, Therese of Liseaux, Teresa of Avila, Mother Angelica, Mother Teresa, Maximillian Kolbe, John of the Cross, Faustina, Our Lady of Fatima, Our Lady of Lourdes. I myself had a conversion experience in a RCC confessional that was (took a long time to figure this out) the Baptism in the HS. I was shocked and am still shocked. Who am I that Our Lord should come to me? What was it like? Words fail, 5 to 7 seconds of absolute rapturous ecstasy 32 years ago, the priest was charismatic , turned my life completely around, but not in the snap of a finger. "(I) (still) had to work out my faith with fear and trembling, because it is God working it out in (me)." And He isn't done with me yet. (I am 70.)
Now this is a completely different topic from how hard to "enforce" and "impose" religion on the kids. I would say start only inviting them once they reach about age 18. Before that, I would say compulsory mass attendance. Why? Because the devil wants your kids, just like he wants the rest of us. If they don't get God, they may get fentanyl or internet porn or alcoholism. But I would make it clear re church attendance, family prayer: "I love you no matter what. I am here to give you 'roots' and 'wings'. Jesus said 'suffer the little children to come unto me."
Ask yourself "is Jesus Christ Who He said He was?" I found out: yes. And why did God come to me? It was situationally appropriate, but still, He did it in His infinite love and mercy, and that incredible kindness He showed me in my moment of utter desperation is something I will never forget. I cannot begin to repay Our Lord, but I mean you try in whatever time I have left. It was absolutely a moment of life and death, for me. "Like a break in the battle was Your part, in the desperate life of a lonely heart." (Lyrics from "Back on the Chain Gang," the Pretenders.) Jesus Christ literally saved my life. The saints played their part.
This may be one of the more timely and important things you've written. I enjoy everything you write. But this needed to said. And you said it beautifully. This should be talked about more widely. Thank you for starting the conversation.
Steve, you so often state what is in my heart but in ways I can never express as well as you. I know the damage I did to my kids who thankfully are still in their early twenties and we have cried together and I sincerely apologized to each of them not listening…for trying to make them be holy … and why? To please my family. Two of my three daughters engaged in quite a bit of self harm in their teens, and while I did try to love them through it, I went about all wrong. I always harped on prayer, essentially solidifying in their minds that they just weren’t being good enough and hence, more pain was heaped on them. I regret that I wasn’t more courageous, brave enough to follow my heart back then to say to hell with holiness and really listen and be there for them to help them work through their pain. Pain I had also caused through divorce. None of them went to church the minute they left home. For a while I thought it hurt me. That I hadn’t been a good enough example to them, but now that I have gone through years of soul searching and study and come to my senses and left the church and religion all together, we are all navigating life together. Closer than ever. And I would not have it any other way. They are my NOW, my purpose. I can only hope that the mistakes I made will be rectified. I feel like they are starting to be. Rituals and apostolates are never a substitute for pure and honest love and care and concern. If there is a God, I hope he recognizes that I am finally now trying to truly love and so are they. Thank you for being such a great writer and allowing me a forum to say the things that are in my heart.
Steve, thank you for sharing this. You gave an insight into your painful experiences with these topics in a way that resonates, and I’ve been musing on it for hours. More people need to hear this, and understand.
I believe we often forget that the sabbath was made for man, not man for the sabbath.
People are meant to be valued for themselves, but instead they are often treated merely as vehicles for right belief and right behavior. Obey. Comply. Avoid punishment. It doesn’t matter if you’re screaming inside. The rules ands rituals are what matter in certain minds, and you almost get the impression that they believe we were created for their sake, rather than them being created for ours.
It’s particularly heartbreaking when this comes at the hands of those nearest to us, whose validation and unconditional love we need the most. There really is no wound as searing as the feeling of being unloved. And there’s no wound we inflict on one another as casually, or with such smug self-satisfaction.
Thank you for your courage in sharing this. You are a gifted writer, and I will genuinely be praying that you find healing and peace from the splinters that have been lodged in your soul (yes, I read that post too 🙂).
Sincerely, your fellow pilgrim in this world.
P.S. that analogy from Ferris Bueller is spot on.
What you say is sadly all too true. I've seen many instances of making an idol of religion among my friends and fellow parishioners. I've been guilty of it myself. Looking at the negative influences on my own life, I am now more attentive to the dangers of the temptation to idolatry and how it can impact my family. I hope I am doing the right things. Time will tell.
I've noticed there are large numbers of people deconstructing, and ultimately de-converting from across all denominations of Christianity. Their stories are all fascinating, and yet, they all seem eerily similar. So many people are raised in environments where they are forced or pressured to believe in things that just don't make sense. I watch the Harmonic Atheist YouTube channel, where the Host Tim Mills interviews various people from different churches, and allows them to tell their story and how gut wrenching loss of faith is. As a guy who struggles with faith mightily, I think I honestly resonate with non-believers better than with people who "are on fire for Jesus." If the God you believe in is silent and hidden, it's very hard to love Him. And frankly, it can be annoying when you're around people who claim they get messages from God, while your prayers vanish into the ceiling .
If there is no God, then why practice religion? Steve, you wrote "since God is perceptually absent/distant/nonexistent..." right there, haven't you assumed God away? Then what am I to make of Jesus Christ, St. Paul, St. Augustine, Padre Pio, Therese of Liseaux, Teresa of Avila, Mother Angelica, Mother Teresa, Maximillian Kolbe, John of the Cross, Faustina, Our Lady of Fatima, Our Lady of Lourdes. I myself had a conversion experience in a RCC confessional that was (took a long time to figure this out) the Baptism in the HS. I was shocked and am still shocked. Who am I that Our Lord should come to me? What was it like? Words fail, 5 to 7 seconds of absolute rapturous ecstasy 32 years ago, the priest was charismatic , turned my life completely around, but not in the snap of a finger. "(I) (still) had to work out my faith with fear and trembling, because it is God working it out in (me)." And He isn't done with me yet. (I am 70.)
Now this is a completely different topic from how hard to "enforce" and "impose" religion on the kids. I would say start only inviting them once they reach about age 18. Before that, I would say compulsory mass attendance. Why? Because the devil wants your kids, just like he wants the rest of us. If they don't get God, they may get fentanyl or internet porn or alcoholism. But I would make it clear re church attendance, family prayer: "I love you no matter what. I am here to give you 'roots' and 'wings'. Jesus said 'suffer the little children to come unto me."
Ask yourself "is Jesus Christ Who He said He was?" I found out: yes. And why did God come to me? It was situationally appropriate, but still, He did it in His infinite love and mercy, and that incredible kindness He showed me in my moment of utter desperation is something I will never forget. I cannot begin to repay Our Lord, but I mean you try in whatever time I have left. It was absolutely a moment of life and death, for me. "Like a break in the battle was Your part, in the desperate life of a lonely heart." (Lyrics from "Back on the Chain Gang," the Pretenders.) Jesus Christ literally saved my life. The saints played their part.
https://youtu.be/j1VYRZF8bCs?si=JZ5MH9sAY2wBR9Wn